December 9, 2014 at 7:58 pm #116990Tenniebenson (Area Mama)Member
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Yes oooo my [email protected] is on it… Abeg chikere dnt delay d story o0December 12, 2014 at 11:31 pm #118515Kristal
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🙂 😀 fellow,ya story got ah good setting..Feed me more!0December 13, 2014 at 10:06 pm #118949pricelessMember
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gud start, nyc one, pls post d nxt episode on time0December 22, 2014 at 8:01 pm #121574
Bang! Bang! A knock at the door.
‘Fried Chicken. No. Yes. Roasted Thighs of a turkey’
Bang! Bang! Bang! Intense knocking at the door continues.
I was instantly woken up from my trance.
Oh no. Not that dream of me eating in luxury again. Whoever was behind the door temporaryly became my enemy for waking me up from eating the best ‘Dreams can offer’. I quickly turned to the sleeping Emma besides me. Glad i didnt eat his head this time.
Bang! Bang! Bang.
‘Na who me that?’ I yawned,standing up from the bed as i stretched my hands in reckless abandon.
‘You no get name?’
‘Open this door jare before hunger kill me for here’.
Only one person could knock at my door so early in the morning.
I guessed right as i opened the door to meet my neighbour, Theophilus.
‘Guy abeg una get chinkini garri for here wey person fit take hold belle?’ Theophilus ignorantly asked immediately he stepped into the room.
Theophilus was my neighbour. Handsome, Full of life and fun to be with. He was always referred to as a brainbox. While you’re busy thinking and straining your brain in level 1, Theo as i fondly call him is already in level 200.
‘You dey craze abi? Or one nut for your head loose this morning?’ I sarcastically him.
‘You don start abi? Na hunger go kill una’ He said,pointing to me and the sleeping Emma.
I was begining to wonder if what he said behind the door some minutes ago was actually true.
‘Simple question wey i ask you,you come begin dey insult me,common garri you no get,make i go eat my fried rice and chicken for my room jare’ He Added as he made to leave.
Oh no no no. Not Fried rice and Chicken.
‘Ehn go chop am na,call me to wake you up from the dream when you’re done eating’ I replied as i began laughing hard.
He immediately turned to me,this time with seriousness written on his face.
‘Guy abeg,even if na small leftover bread,I go manage am abeg’
I looked at him with pity not wanting to burst out with a series of laughter.
‘To God!’ I said, doing the finger to to mouth to sky ritual. ‘No single permer of food dey this house at all’
He immediately collapsed on the floor, Oh no. Certainly he wasnt thinking i would rush to revive him. Did he?. I sat quietly watching him feign death, he must be stupid to think i’ll rush to him with a plate of ‘Fried rice and Chicken’.
When he noticed i wasnt forthcoming,he stood up,planting a gaze at me.
‘Guy you wicked o. Even bread,you no fit offer your man’ He said.
I laughed out loud. ‘If i even get the bread, E for don enter my belle since tey tey’.
Theo’s face brightened with glee.
‘Guy stand up dress make we go chop’
‘You get money?’ I countered.
‘Go dress shaperly shaperly,no dey dull my spirit’ He responded.
‘Theo Theo T’0 T’0’ I hailed him while i went to get dressed. Whatever he has in mind to do,he always achieves it or finds a way to twist and turn things around to his favor.
Turning my back away from Theo, I was suprised to see Emma already Up and dressed.
“Hunger no get enemy” I thought to myself as i hurriedly put on my trouser.
Oops,something dangling between my legs. Forgot to zip up my fly. You. Yes You reading. Hope you didnt see anything? Good child.
‘Wait for me!’ I yelled as i rushed to go meet Emma and Theo who were already quite some distance from me.0December 22, 2014 at 9:30 pm #121597Hardeywummy2Member
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Laughing tins0December 22, 2014 at 9:48 pm #121600Emma
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Looolllz..I’ve been laughing since. Nicest story i’ve read in a long time. Keep up the good work bro.0December 23, 2014 at 2:55 pm #121701
#loading..0December 23, 2014 at 2:56 pm #121702
‘And where exactly are we headed?’ I curiously asked Theo after we had circled the entire neighborhood.
‘Guy whatsup na? Where exactly we dey go? I no get any strenght to waka again o’ Emma also mumbled at Theo.
Am pretty sure one could hear the echoing of our rumbling stomachs ten kilometeres away. It sure seemed like world war III was fought inside my belle as the worms inside me could be heard shouting and wailing. Whatever ideas Theo had,he should better put them to good use now unless they want to start posting obituary pics of a son of man.
‘Guys look over there,see that man besides the Hummer jeep?’ Theo said pointing to his decribed direction. ‘It seems his car is broken down, he looks well to do,lets go help him out and am pretty certain he would give us some ‘Doo”.
I and Emma unanimously agreed to Theo’s decision as we immediately headed towards the man’s direction.
‘Wait!’ Theo said,’ Valentine na you go talk to the man o’
‘Which kind nonsense be that na,no be you bring up the idea of meeting the man?’ I countered him.
‘No be you get mouth pass all of us for here’ Emma and Theo simultaenously fired back. ‘If you no go talk to the man,make we begin dey go back now o’ Theo added in more of a carefree tone.
‘Oya jor make we dey go’ I announced as we made to where the man was.
‘Good Morning sir’ I greeted him. ‘Do you need anyhelp on your car sir’.
‘Good Morning my child’ The man responded. ‘Not quite,it just needs a little pushing,thats all’.
‘Then we would be glad to help’ I offered while the man entered the car as Theo and Emma joyfully went to the back of the car and started pushing it.
Good gracious,after pushing for a considerable distance,the engine kicked and started.
Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!! The man hit the gas as he sped off,not even looking back to say ‘Thank You’, leaving us exhausted and wasted as we cursed him.
‘May Ogun strike that man for me’ Emma cursed.
‘Even money for boys,he no fit drop,why we come go waste our strenght sef,Na God go punish am’ Theo added,wailing of hunger in the process.
‘I swear,that man look like chief Ahun himself’ I said.
We found our way to a nearby shade where we sat down quietly.
‘Guys,see that woman wey dey carry food for head’ Theo the “ideologist” said.
‘Wetin come happen to the woman?’ I and Emma asked.
‘Una no well,abi una no dey see food. Mtchew. Psst psst,Madam!’ Theo called out to the woman as she turned and came towards us.
‘Guy you get money?’ I fearfully asked him.
‘Una too dey worry jare,dont worry,Na me Theo,everything is under control’ He assured us as we both started hailing him.
‘Good Morning sir’s’ The woman greeted when she reached where we sat.
‘Confam!,Madam this your food sweet so?’ Theo foolishly asked.
‘Ah Oga, this food sweet sotey E no dey sweet again’ The food seller defended her asset.
‘Oya serve us shaperly shaperly. Give us one plate of rice and stew with big big Canda’ Theo ordered while the woman gladly rushed and started serving the food.
Hmmmn,I dont blame her. I could imagine what was going through her mind that moment. What a great way to start up the morning business. But seriously,did she see us as ‘Better People’?
We had already guppled down more than halve of the food,while she stood,watching us eat.
‘Yeeee!! My belle’ Theo screamed holding his stomach.
‘Ah,ooosh,yay i don die,my stomach o’ Emma wailed vomiting the contents of the food on the floor.
I was shocked. What could be happening to them.
‘Madam, Ah! What have you done to my friends. What did you put in their food?’ I anxiously asked the woman who seemed like she was already peeing in her pants at the show Theo and Emma were displaying.
‘Nothing sir! I swear to God,i didnt put anything in it’ She frightenedly responded.
‘Madam! You must be kidding me!’ I yelled angrily. ‘Is’nt it the poison you put in your food?’
‘Sir! Please believe me,the only ingredient i added to the food was salt,pepper,onions,white Maggi–‘
‘Ah! This woman has killed my friends,i shouted,cutting her off from completing her list of ingredients. ‘You have killed them for me o,didnt you know they are allergic to white maggi?’
‘Please sir,believe me,i meant no harm’
‘Ah, yay! My belle o’ Emma and Theo continued their showdown.
I turned to the woman. ‘Oya,rush fast fast and buy them water, quick quick o’.
She hurriedly left us while Emma and Theo stood up and started laughing uncontrollably.
‘Na me be the master planner’ Theo praised himself.
‘Chai,this woman food sweet o’ Emma added, rubbing his stomach to make his point.
‘I swear. Una dey craze for head. Make una no ever put me for condition to repeat wetin just happen o’ I warned them.
‘Yes sir’ The both saluted and quickly returned to their former positions as the woman returned with the water.
We further threatened to sue her in court while she apoloqized and squeezed a One thousand naira note into my hand. She quickly took her leave,leaving us to ‘Feel Ourselves’.
We strolled home carefree,feeling proud and happy at what we just accomplished,but it was soon cut short.
Pow! Pow! Gunshots.
‘You Three are under arrest’ A voice came from behind.0
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Viewing 8 posts - 9 through 16 (of 254 total)