October 31, 2016 at 9:42 am #877680XMember
“You are making a huge mistake”.
I try to shake off the voice for the
thousandth time today and just like
before, it isn’t exactly working. Its
keeps ringing back to me.
Maybe because a part of me agreed
with the voice? Maybe because I just
might be making a mistake I wouldn’t
be able to go back from? Maybe
because I’m very nervous at the
Rebecca, you will be more hurt than
you were when he left! Why do you
want to do that to yourself?
And again, I try to silence the voice by
refusing to listen. They were the words
my best friend David said to me on the
phone last night about the trip I’m
taking and just as I didn’t listen the
previous night, I’m not listening now.
I drag my attention back to the busy
road, I’m at Ado-Ekiti for a wedding…
my ex’s wedding actually. My ex that I
was engaged to for a few months back
and he is about to get married
to someone else.
And no, I am not insane. I am only
acting like a good Christian should.
Now At Ado-Ekiti
I smile as I run into her outstretched
arms; she holds me in a warm embrace
and kisses my forehead so many times I
begin to giggle.
“I’m so glad you came,” she says to me
when we disengage from the embrace
and I know that she means it. Not just
because she says it with so much
sincerity but because her eyes actually
echo her words.
“It is the right thing to do ma” I
respond and the voice in my head
scoffs. Right thing to do? It asks and
like I have made up my mind to do, I
She nods in response to my answer and
then squeezes my hands “Are you sure
you are okay with…”
“Ahn ahn come on mummy. I’m fine I
promise” I answer, reassuring her and
more importantly, reassuring myself. I
can cope, I hope.
I travelled down from Lagos for this, I
can cope, I really can. I decide that my
new meditation to chant for the next
three days will be “I can cope”…or
maybe “I can do all things through
Christ who strengthens me?”
My Ex’s mother nods again and gives
her heart-warming smile. “Oya come
inside, let’s go and deal with this
wahala together.” She says to me and I
follow her with my small travelling bag.
As I enter the house, memories come
rushing back and most of them are
unwelcome. I don’t want to remember
the times I spent with him in this
house and our good times together. No.
It is not healthy; it isn’t right, it isn’t…
“Rebecca this is Linda, the bride to
be…” My ex’s mother gauges my
reaction as she says the words. Bless
this woman’s soul, she just doesn’t
want me to get hurt. But she needs to
know I can’t. I’m happy for her son and
that is all that matters at the moment.
To make her understand that am after
nothing but her Son’s happiness, I
dragged Linda into a warm embrace
and as aware as I am of her surprise, I
don’t act it.
“Congrats Linda” I say and she
manages a smile. She is still shocked at
how nice I seem and I’m not sure if she
knows I’m her groom’s ex but she can’t
seem to understand the whole nice
“Thanks” she says and then adds
“thanks”. There is an awkward moment
of silence after which she faces her
“They say my maid of honour is still
sick. I’m really worried, its my big day
in two days and I don’t know if she’d
be able to make it” Linda says.
“Don’t fret Linda. Everything would be
fine” my Ex’s mother tells her and I
Then I say without thinking “Yes. Just
tell me if you need anything, I’d be
glad to help”.
Linda and my Ex’s mom look at me as
if I’ve just being delivered at the
doorstep with a bow. I know I’m being
silly but I’m nervous! Freaking
nervous! I need to get out here.
I smile like an idiot and say to nobody
in particular, “I’d be in the guest room”
after which I disappear in a flash.
“I told you it was a stupid idea. Now
you are being silly simply because you
are nervous and you won’t shut up!
Rebecca take the next cab and get out
of that town” David yells from the
other end of the line. I called him
immediately I entered the guest room
and told him what I just did.
“Come on David, I’m already here. I
can’t leave” I reply. Or can I?
“Sure you can. You can get a freaking
cab and leave. Why are you staying in
their house anyway? Whatever
happened to a hotel if you have to be
there?” He inquires and I can’t help but
agree. What am I doing here? Oh I
remember why and I tell him again…
“His mum asked for me to stay here
“And you could have said no. Jeez,
whatever got into you?”
“I will be fine David. You need to trust
“You better be. And you better not
keep me in the dark. I don’t trust you
to take care of yourself anymore. I
don’t know what you are thinking
going to attend the wedding of a man
who broke your heart…”
And that stings. He didn’t have to
remind me “David… I have forgiven
him. You need to know that this is part
of what forgiveness does…”
“Going to your ex’s wedding? That’s
stupidity. And two days earlier?”
Maybe he is right. Maybe I should pick
my bags and leave. I decide to seriously
consider that when I hear a knock on
the door and my Ex’s mother comes in.
“I’m going to run an errand. Do you
want to come?” She asks and I nod
quickly, glad to be distracted from
David and his stinging words.
“Let me get back to you David, I have
to attend to something” I say quickly
and hang up while I hear him say
something like “You are being silly…”
I grin at my Ex’s mother. “Let’s go ma”.
The drive had saved me from David’s
hurtful words but it had delivered me
into the hands of my Ex’s mother’s
kind words that I could do without.
She keeps telling me about how happy
she is that I could get over the hurt and
act like a grown up but I honestly
would rather everyone stops talking
about my arrival.
Maybe I should check into a hotel and
stay away from David’s calls and
That is seriously under consideration.
“Have you seen him?” My Ex’s mum
The “him” in question is my ex and I
haven’t seen him. We haven’t spoken
in over a week and he doesn’t know I
would be here because I didn’t give
him an answer when he last pleaded
with me to come.
“No..” I answer. I haven’t seen him in
over a year as well. Not since he
returned to the states.
There’s silence in the car and when her
phone suddenly rings, I’m happy I
don’t have to endure another awkward
silence. How many of those do I need
to endure till the weekend is over
though? I wonder.
The wedding is on Saturday and its only
“Hello…Micheal? Kilode?” She
responded on picking the call..
My heart skips a beat at the mention of
his name. That’s him. Am I prepared to
meet him? I haven’t thought about that
in a long time but now I’m not sure.
But then I still have a little time to
“Okay, Rebecca and I are headed in
that direction. We would see you
What direction? I thought to
myself….Wait, are we seeing him now?
D--n, I am so not ready for this!
How Do I Face Him and My Emotions wont
Disappoint Me?October 31, 2016 at 10:06 am #877685σиєαℓ32Member
October 31, 2016 at 11:00 am #877706HadassahMember
oya oooo,,,nextOctober 31, 2016 at 11:29 am #877714ebubeMember
I prefer you stayinq a hotel
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T.October 31, 2016 at 4:33 pm #877858XMember
We arrive at where Micheal is and when
he alighted from the car he was sitting
in, I stare at him like an idiot and even
when his mother gets down to go meet
him, I kept staring at him not knowing
the next line of action to take.
He in turn moves closer to the car i was,
opens it and drags me out of it. Then
without warning, he pulls me close and
hugs me tight, very tight, tighter than I
“How are you?” He whispers and I nod,
there isn’t much space to speak as he
hasn’t released me from the tight hug. “I
didn’t know you were coming…” He says
after he finally releases me. “We have a
lot to catch up on.” He then directs his
gaze to his mother “let me drop you off
mummy and get the mechanic to come
fix this car.”
His mother nods in response.. He then
looked at me and said again “I’ve missed
you” I blushed.
“You look well…scratch that, you look
beautiful” he says to me once the three
of us head towards where his mum
needs to run an errand and I’m
speechless. I don’t know what to say.
Stop being an idiot, thank you is a good
way to start!
I follow the voice in my head and decide
to give an answer but this comes out
instead, “I know”
He laughs, heartily. I remember the
laughter, it used to be contagious, it still
is because I chuckle.
“We really need to catch up on
everything…” He says to me and looks in
my direction. His hand finds its way to
my face and he cups my chin with his
finger. My heart begins to race and I
wonder if I’m sane when his phone
saves me from thinking like a mad
“Linda” he says as he picks it. “What?
I’m heading home right-away”
We left together to his place
immediately he dropped the call.
“They say she’s really ill! Her parents
say she can’t make it down here before
the wedding on Saturday! What the heck
am I to do baby?”
Linda sobs like a little child and I try to
look away from the sight of
Micheal holding her and calming her
down as he whispers sweet words to
I should be okay with this, I should
expect this. I mean I knew there would
be a you-may-kiss-your-bride kiss and
every other kiss brides and grooms
share. So why am I not comfortable with
Micheal holding his bride to be?
“She is a size 6 baby. None of the girls
here are that size. Not one single one of
the bridesmaids. This is a big deal! How
do I work down the aisle without a maid
of honour?! That’s like ruining the
entire wedding!” She continues to say as
she sobs in the hands of my Micheal.
I honestly can’t stay here anymore. I
should have dropped off with Micheal’s
mum, instead of returning here with
him and watching this episode.
“The wedding is ruined…”
Linda continues to say and I’m tempted
to shut her up. The wedding can’t be
ruined cos there is no maid of honour,
all she needs do is find someone else
“She can be, can’t she?” I hear her say.
And when I turn to look at her, I realise
she’s staring at me.
“What?” I ask, wondering what is going
“You are a size 6. The dress would fit
perfectly. Please be my maid of honour.
Let me get the dress.” She says and
disappears into the room.
I gape at her as she exits.
“You did what? Rebecca!”
I don’t say anything. Nothing at all, I just
hold the phone to my ear and stare at
my reflection in the mirror.
I should have kept the piece of
information to myself but again, I had to
share. I had to tell the closest person to
me at the moment, David. And he’s
crucifying me for it just as I expected.
He doesn’t let me speak, “Rebecca, I
won’t lie to you but you just did the
most stupid thing anybody can do in this
That irks me and because I can’t help it,
I respond “so what now? I’m always
stupid? I don’t need your lecture right
now” and then I hang up.
Face it; you’re really being stupid.
I can hang up on David but I can’t stop
my mind from hurling the same words
at me. Be a maid of honour at my own
ex’s wedding? A year ago I wanted it to
be Him and I standing in front of the
pastor being proclaimed husband &
wife, I wanted to be the woman
standing next to him, not the woman
standing behind the woman standing
next to him.
I’m being silly.
I picked the dress Linda handed over to
me earlier and within few minutes i had
pulled off the cloth i was putting on and
changed to the gown. I stared at my
reflection in the mirror. I’m wearing the
maid of honour’s dress. It is a peach
coloured knee length gown, with short
sleeves and a plunging neckline. The
dress fits perfectly like it was made for
me. I try to smile. But even that doesn’t
make me feel better about being a maid
of honour at Micheal’s wedding.
Someone knocks and I responded “come
in” without turning to look at who it is.
“Rebecca. What are you doing?” He asks
as soon as he steps into the room.
I turn to stare at him. He is looking at
me with uncertainty in his eyes.
“Wearing a dress…”I reply.
“Don’t be silly Rebecca. What are you
doing giving Linda’s proposal a
thought?” He asks, stepping closer and
making my heart race. Wait, why am I
feeling this attracted to someone else’s
husband to be?
“Micheal it isn’t such a bad idea…”
“It seems like it is to me. Maybe you
should seriously think about it before
giving her an answer” He says, now
staring into my eyes and standing really
close to me.
I try to speak but nothing comes out.
Am I crossing the line between being a
good Christian and being utterly foolish?
Talking about foolish, why am I hoping
Micheal would hug and kiss me or
something? And like he can read my
mind, he does the former but limits the
latter to my forehead.
“I care so much about you Rebecca. I
don’t want you to do something silly…I
don’t want you to hurt”
“Oh. You didn’t seem to think of that
when you walked away a year ago.” I
snap angrily and then immediately
wonder why that came out. I step out of
his embrace and move away from him.
“Rebecca, you left me no choice…” He
“I left you no choice? Listen to yourself…
you were supposed to be head over
heels in love with me, yet you walked
because we had a disagreement!” I
“It wasn’t just a disagreement and you
know it.” He responded and I turned to
“Yes Rebecca. You were disrespectful to
me and all we stood for, you took my
love for granted and didn’t give back as
much as I did! That relationship lasted
that long because of me!”
There’s silence in the room as we both
stare at each other with so much anger.
Wait, where did that even come from?
“I can’t believe you. Now you’re taking
credit for holding the relationship
together?” I break the silence after a few
“I hate to say Yes but it was all me
Rebecca. All me…I was insanely in love
with you but all you did was lock up
your heart, be cold and you cheated
on…” He stops midway as he realises his
My heart beats faster and my pulse
begins to race, he on the other hand
tries to move closer
“Get out” I say quietly.
“Rebecca, I’m sorry…”
“Get out” I repeat and deep down inside
of me, I know I’m leaving tomorrow