September 26, 2016 at 4:26 pm #842553
written by Ikhalo efoseSeptember 26, 2016 at 4:27 pm #842554
I actually spent an hour cleaning my shoe like my life depended on it. I had ironed my last xmas polo and my well-starched pens trousers the previous day. I was definitely going to get a lot of attention tomorrow at the DLCF dinner party.
I remember the last dinner party i attended. The moment i heard the invitation from olu’s mouth,i shouted ‘dinner party!’.On the day of the dinner party,i embarked on a partial food strike. I was ready to baptised myself with food at the party.True to my expectations,there were lots of food on the tables.It was like a lovefeast but i couldn’t enter.Where everyone where dressed smart in tux and dinner gowns,i was wearing a three-year old school native plus i was without a date.
This time i was ready for them.I even planned to mix three wicked perfumes.i got a shade;even though it was a night event and my allstars was ever ready.I almost forgot one last thing;a date!.. Who would that be?….
 I stared long at the caption ‘DLCF DINNER PARTY’ on the card as i contemplated on who to take as my date.What the hell was DLCF by the way?i never really asked Ayo what it meant cos i didn’t think it mattered.Anyways,the issue at hand was getting an apt date for the party.I had a couple of persons i could call but didn’t know who to call precisely.
There was Marrissa;my ex.Classy,stylish and a little too much for my taste but that wouldn’t be a problem in this case,afterall it was just a party.
Then there was Marbel,the girl i probably would have hated but for her beauty.She was a pest in my life and i feared that inviting her to the party would give her some crazy ideas and re-ignite her stupid advances,otherwise she was my first choice.
Finally,there was Mary.pretty,gentle,intelligent but lacked the sense of dressing where it mattered most.To be frank,i wouldn’t want to go with her.Imagine myself,well dressed in a dinner party with a francesca nun.Don’t let me say God forbid.
I picked up my phone and dialled marrissa’s number.’Hello!…’ i heard that pretty voice i have missed.
 I swear,i almost said let’s get back together.It must have taken me a while to find myself back as i heard her say ‘Hello’ again,like a frustrated person.
‘Hi marris’ i said,like the network had been bad’can you hear me now?’
‘yeah i can’the sweetness was getting deeper. ‘what’s up?’
‘nothing much.Just haven’t heard from you for sometime now.was wondering how you were doin’ liar!
‘aww…that’s sweet.Thanks’she responded like she meant it.
‘anyway,where are you at?’i asked smoothly.
Don’t know why but i felt devastated.she was my best option and now she was more than four hours plus lots of terrible roads away from the university of Benin.
I had to move past my disappointment as the party was just the next day.Now i just had one last option;Marbel and it was certain she was going to say yes if i let her.What other choice do i?i had to.
‘marbel hi’ i said into my phone like someone forced me to.
‘Johnson!’ she screamed and i almost cutoff the call.’you remembered me today.what happened?where are you?i want to see you.Aww,it’s so unfortunate that am not in Benin right now’
Her last words hit me like a rock and that moment,i felt like Buhari must have felt when the last election results were called.I was going to go dateless?
I begged my mind not to think of it but it disobeyed.Apparently i had to get a date and all compasses pointed to mary! I was going on a dinner date with a nun,d--n!
Anyways beggers can’t be chosers so i had to stick with what i got.My mind-ranting of mary’s sense of dressing had made me ignore one minute detail which now stood nude before me.How was i going to ask her out?
I could only thing of a way to do it;text messaging.I checked the time on my clock.It said 9pm,good!She must have slept,i thought.Better to send it right away and when she wakes up the following day,she wouldn’t want to disappoint me as i purposely clearly stated that the party was the next day and she was the only one i had in mind.
Just as i dropped my phone after sending the text,i heard p-square’s danger;my ring tone.Jeez! It was mary calling.What now?September 26, 2016 at 4:33 pm #842563
I seriously did not know what came over me,i wasn’t suppose to pick the call but i did anyways and i almost regretted it.I was dumb-founded the moment i heard mary’s angelic voice(if only her dressing could be more like her voice).
I managed to say hi and asked how she was doing.Funny she didn’t mention a word about my text message which made me wondeq if she got it in the first placd.We talked for a while and i expected her to bring it up until she ended the call.The taunting thoughts came rushing to me once more;i was going dateless.
Just as i dropped frustratingly on my frustrating-looking chair,i heard the tone again: omo see danger;it was mary calling again.
]’what’s your problem john?’ mary bellowed as i placed the phone on my ear.
‘i beg your pardon?’. She didn’t sounding like the girl i just spoke with.
‘you just behaved so chickeny’she blurted.’i got your text and called you then you made me look like an idiot.you know what?goodbye!’ she hung up
who was this girl and what had she done with mary?she was merely a friend.I know we were close but i never imagined she could get pissed for something of this tiny magnitude.I made up my mind that i wasn’t going to call back but i waited on my phone expectiog her to call and she did call.
 ‘Am sorry’ were the first words i heard as i placed the receiver on my ear.I remained mute and i think i taunted her a little but she continued.’i just got so excited that you finally asked me out’ finally? Dear God! ‘and so when you didn’t mention anything about it in the first call,i felt terrible thinking you were toying with me.’she paused like she remembered a very important detail.’were you?’she asked with her voice sounding as serious as my mechanics prof.
I cleared my throat like an equal professor,crossed my legs from where i sat even if she couldn’t see me am sure she felt it,then i began my million dollar speech;more like a letter.
‘Dear mary,am sorrry you thought am that kind of guy.I sent you the text with full intention of wanting to go out with with you but somewhere along the line,i lost my nerves.I must have been so parochial not to have noticed the effect my stunt would have on you and despite the fact that i can’t replay the whole event in a more pleasand manner,i do apologize.As for you,you called me chickeny and beleive me,i felt like a chicken at that point.’she let out a loud laugh ‘But that’s beside the point.it was an unfair statement.I chose to forgive you though,but at a price.You don’t owe me an apology;that’s way too cheap.What you owe me is a date.Mary,will you be my date to the party?’
D--n right she said yes! And so i was faced with yet another problem;mary’s dress style.Call me oliver twist or whatever but i just wanted the day to be perfect for me!
I guess my patron saint must have heard and interceded on my behalf.Few minutes,i received a beep on my behalf.Few minutes,i received a beep on my phone;it was a message from firstbank;your account have been credited with …. Just then the idea hit me and i executed it immediately.
I rushed to gallaxy’s boutique,got a nice gown,wrapped it and sent it to mary with a note saying ‘really looking forward to tonight’. God knows i prayed hard for the dress to fit.It did.
I met with mary at exact 6pm,i almost didn’t recognise her as the dress completely transformed her.She looked like a goddess.Looked like my night was going to be perfect afterall.
Now the tragedy.We arrived the venue and it looked like the party had been moved.I became the most confused man on earth as i searched invain for any feature indicating that a dinner party was going to hold.Then i remembered Ayo and dialled his number.Switched off! Was the devil out for me?
Mary looked at me with a confusing look;i couldn’t tell what was on her mind.alas,she spoke.’i think we are in the right place.’ Had she gone mad?i thought.I tried Ayo’s phone again and it went through.Thank God!
‘Ayo,you guys changed venue?am at oba’s hall right now.’ i said
‘come right in,we are about starting’ i heard the excitment in his voice.
About starting?here? I wondered.Was there an inner complex inside the main one? I told may what he had said and she gave me that ‘told you’ look.As we went closer to the hall,i sighted the notice on a little paper. WELCOME TO DLCF DINNER PARTY. How come i missed it initially.
We progressed inside the hall and i still couldn’t find any feature of a dinner party.It was definitely not the right place,i concluded.The place was arranged with old benches occupied by some average-dressed and some below average-dressed persons.At an extreme end i saw two large coolers then i looked further and saw the shocker.In another poor looking but large paper,it was boldly written, WELCOME TO DEEPER LIFE CAMPUS FELLOWSHIP DINNER PARTY.It immediately rang a bell.This was it.DLCF is deeper life campus fellowship! Jesus christ!…
(c) copyright by Ikhalo Efose.September 26, 2016 at 4:46 pm #842573tommieParticipant
hahahahaSeptember 26, 2016 at 4:47 pm #842574TianaParticipant
Lolz!September 26, 2016 at 4:56 pm #842580MarAngelParticipant
haha haha u are in for a shockSeptember 26, 2016 at 5:00 pm #842583Certified BaeParticipant
Lol ooSeptember 26, 2016 at 6:15 pm #842648StephniepaulParticipant
Hahaha Please sit and make yourself comfortable.