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    DYSFUNCTIONAL
    Episode 1
    ___________
    ___________
    Written by πŸ‘‰ Essien Eno

    Bosco’s POV

    A time in May 1993, Mom arrived home drunk again. I was just ten years old with my four siblings; Mark, Mary, James and little Joseph. I know it sounds like they were disciples of Jesus but it was Dad’s idea. He wanted us to be disciples who had that Catholic grounding.
    I was named John Bosco after a Reverend father at our district. According to dad, I was given birth to just when he was ordained. Mark was thirteen years old and the eldest

    He was given birth to as an imbecile. It was never like the steroetype imbeciles; he looked totally normal but he was in his actions and words.
    Even though being mentally impaired, Mark would stick up for me and I would do same for him.
    I was the second child of the family, Mary was seven, James was five and little Joseph was barely a year old.
    Mom fell to the ground. Getting drunk for mom was a usual routine. Dad would always warn her to stop it. There were times she would be found in gutters, drunk to stupor but at least she made it home this day.
    Dad wasn’t at home and I didn’t want him to find her that way. With help from my siblings, we tried to pull her into the room.

    Dad walked in that moment and we all dropped her on the floor, there was a loud thud, it was mom’s head on the floor.

    Dad shook his head then walked out of the house. Dad came back very late in the night

    We lived in a two bedroom flat. My mom and dad took one room while I and my siblings took the other.
    I couldn’t sleep that night. I walked into the sitting room seeing dad on the chair, sobbing silently. It made me unhappy to see him that way. I didn’t want him to see me, so I turned back only to step on Joseph’s toy and it made a loud noise.

    “Bosco” Dad called out and I turned to him.

    “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

    He asked cleaning his tears and I moved close to him. “I couldn’t sleep” I answered and he cleared throat.

    “And you?” I asked and he sniffled.

    “Your father has a lot to think of, I’m making plans” he answered.

    I knew he was lying but I was going to let it lie anyway.

    “For example you and your siblings school fees” he added and I shook my head.

    “It’s mom” I argued, “Why is she always drunk every time?” I asked.

    “I don’t know” he answered in a cracky voice then cleared his throat again.

    Dad was my hero and role model. He worked in the ministry. He was a prefect example of a gentleman. Despite mom’s excesses, he has never raised a hand on her. I’ve always admired his strength.

    “I’ve spoken to her countless times but your mom would not stop. Maybe she’ll listen to you” he joked and I laughed.

    I told him I was just ten.

    “Ten but you’re a very smart man” he complimented and I laughed once more.

    “You think this is funny? I’m serious Bosco, you’re the man of the house. When I go to work, you should be the pillar your siblings rely on and after I’m gone, you’ll take up my responsibility and take your siblings to school but I won’t be gone anytime soon” he added and I laughed.

    “Definitely” I replied
    unknown to me life had something different planned out.

    Weeks later dad got ill. It started as a mild sickness until he was rushed to only God knows where. Mom refused divulging. Dad didn’t believe in diabolical things, so I never did. People became suspicious that one particular person or organization was responsible for it.

    After a week, we were taken to the place where he was; a native home. Dad had stroke, he couldn’t feel his arm or leg. He didn’t even recognize us.
    I felt hurt, we all did except Mark and little Joseph; they were acting like babies.

    A week later, dad died. I cried like I’ve never cried before. I felt cheated, like God was being unfair. How could he have taken him after all the prayers I prayed to Him?
    I knew we were done for. I didn’t see how mum’s jobless ass would pay our bills.

    A month later, the church contributed to give him a burial. It wasn’t befitting of a hero but I appreciated the fact he was buried. At least he could now rest in peace.

    Home wasn’t the same without dad, things changed. We had to drop out of school cause there was no money to pay our fees.

    One day mom left home with Mary and James but didn’t come back with them.

    “Where’s Mary and James?” I asked Mom who was obviously drunk.

    “Go and ask your grandma” she replied slamming the door of her room against my face.

    A week later, she went out with Mark and also didn’t come back with him.

    One by one we were separated. It was just me and Joseph now. I wished mom was like every other mother. If wishes were horses.

    I wept every single night! I felt like I had let Dad down.

    A week later, a man from Lagos visited mom. Mom said he was a distant relative but i have never seen him before. He spent three days with us and every night he would go into mom’s room. This was usually followed by series of m*ans.

    Before he left, mom announced to me that I would be going to Lagos with him so I could have a better life. We travelled on the 12th of August 1993, I remember the date so well.

    The next thing I remembered was waking up in a hospital on the 24th of August. Memories of the last 12days of my life completely wiped out. I couldn’t remember a thing.

    Apparently a man called Anthony Bishop ran me over with his car. I told him my story right from Uyo where i was born and raised. I told him that I had no memory of how i got to lagos.

    Mr Anthony and his wife; the nicest woman I’ve ever met, they took me in. They’ve been married for five years without kids. They saw me as a blessing from God so they gave me their last name and the best education money could offer. I followed his footstep to be a lawyer too.

    In 2015, Anthony Bishop, died in his sleep. One of the peaceful death a man can dream of. After he died, he willed his properties to me. I became extremely wealthy.

    I had it all in life, everything a man could dream of except that I was cursed with every man’s fear.
    I was battling with something that made building relationships difficult for me; something I was ashame of. No one knew about it except my best friend Alex and the girls I’ve had as girlfriends. I had a s*xual problem, I have never had s*x.
    Heck! I have never experienced an erection before! Thirty five years old and I’ve never had s*x, my life was disappointing!

    I was now in my room with my girlfriend Isabel after all the foreplays, we decided to go down to the business of the day but there was nothing interesting down there in that region.
    Mr Johnson was sleeping as usual. I could see the disappointment on her face.

    “I can’t do this” she shouted her voice getting all high pitch.

    “Urgh!” I can’t do this anymore!!!!” She pointed at my m*nhood which was still sleeping then she sighed.

    “It’s not even….” She trialed off then scoffed.

    “I’m sorry” I apologized like I always would. “Maybe we could start again” I suggested and she screamed,

    “No way!” She shook her head waving her fingers at the same time. “No freaking way! For crying out loud John, I’m almost naked in front of you” she blurted out, and I once again admired how s*xy she looked in her matching red pants and bra.

    “And you’re not still moved now you’re talking about trying again. Trying what again John? Kilode, Haba! Are you the only one?” She asked now busting into tears.

    “Have you even paused for a second to think maybe, just maybe you need deliverance?” she asked and I wore my robe feeling insulted. “Maybe oh, just maybe someone has taken your case to a higher power”

    “There’s no higher power than God”

    “Wo leave that one jhoor! I know you’re a strong Catholic but what if this matter is more than meets the eyes”
    “The drugs…” I trialed off,

    “Are not working!” Isabel completed, “Don’t let those doctors deceive you John, they’re just using your money. Listen to me oh, cause you’re obviously wasting your resources on stupid drugs that haven’t done sh*t to remedy this situation”

    I cleared my throat, I didn’t even know what to say or how to respond to this.

    “Sweetheart, I’m getting tired already.” She confessed and I raised my brow in shock.

    “Yes! I’m getting tired” she replied as though answering the question in my mind.
    “It’s been one freaking year with you and as much as I love you dear, I want s*x too, I want to feel you in me! I want you and I don’t want to cheat on you. Just…” She paused placing her left palm tiredly on her forehead.

    “Just get help before I get desperate” she threatened putting on her dress.

    “Isabel” I called out and she glared at me. I’ve never seen her that angry and if eyes could kill, I would have been dead.

    “Isabel” I called out again and she hissed.

    “Can you just let me be” she snapped, then walked out of the room.

    She came back later picking up her car keys and her bag.

    “I’m sorry” I apologized,

    “The apology is getting too much John! Get help please” she shouted leaving the room.

    Her threat had me thinking, i love her and I wasn’t going to let her walk out of my life. I came to realise that I needed help ASAP apart from the medications but I wasn’t ready to get it diabolically.
    To be continued…
    ____________________

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    DYSFUNCTIONAL
    Episode 2
    ___________
    ___________
    Written by πŸ‘‰ Essien Eno

    Isabel’s POV

    I met John one afternoon after I had said hi to a friend of mine who worked in Bishop law firm. It started raining after I walked into the firm. I felt like the universe was definitely against me cause I still had to go to work. While going down, John and i met in the elevator, we were alone so we talked for a while.
    For starters, I fancied him, his height. His voice was magical like he should be an OAP on radio. He looked so good in the black suit he wore. Crazy thoughts ran through my mind but I never executed one. I didn’t want to show my naughty side.
    He spoke about things I clearly can’t remember cause I was obviously drooling over him.
    We went our separate ways then I rushed outside hiding under a shed then I waited for a taxi to drive by.

    “Where are you going to?” I heard someone yell from inside a car. The car pulled up close to me, it was no one other than John.

    “Hop in” he offered, “I’ll take you anywhere you want. I’m done for the day but if you’re not comfortable, I can drop you by the next bus-stop” he added and I accepted his offer.

    That was where our love story began and it started crumbling the first day we tried having s*x. I got to find out he has never had s*x before. I happily proposed to be his first but then the shocking confession blew in like some whirlwind; something I might get to live with for as long as I’m with him.
    John was s*xually impotent. He has never had an erection and though he would try to convince me the medications prescribe would work but I have come to a conclusion that there was no medical cure for it.
    I’ve seen cases of ex-girlfriend concoting juju against ex-boyfriend, either that or i watch a lot of African magic.

    I love John Bosco and I love his money as well. I’ve come to realize that I need to get help, or get him help or else I’ll get mad with disappointment.
    I was getting tired of him.

    I entered into the house slamming the door angrily. After another disappointment from him, the only thing I needed was a strong drink and s*x…. Well… Which was kind of impossible. I sat on the sofa then groaned in frustration.

    “What’s up?” My big sister, Tasha asked reducing the volume on the T.V.
    “I thought you would spend the night at John’s place”

    “Abeg no just call him name”

    “What happened? Are you fighting with him?”

    “No, I just couldn’t stay over”

    “Why?” She insisted and I busted into tears.

    I have never told anyone about John’s inability to have s*x. I’ve always deemed it fit to keep it a secret so he won’t be mocked.

    “John is impotent” I confessed to Tasha’s shock.

    “Is there water in my ears or you just said…”

    “I’m serious”

    “Is he a one minute guy or two”

    “He’s never had s*x, we’ve never” I continued. “He doesn’t get aroused”

    “That’s not natural” Tasha opined and I agreed.

    That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him but he won’t listen.”

    “That kind of fine man with all those wealth. Na wa oh, what a waste!” She sympathised looking at me pitifully.
    “Ehya Sha, even with no s*x at least there’s money involved na”

    “Forget about the money! I’m frustrated and I want it so badly but I don’t want to cheat”

    “There are other means sister you don’t need me to educate you”

    “They don’t work!” I yelled. I knew exactly what she meant but I needed the real deal. I wanted him but It was impossible.

    “I know one Babalawo (witch doctor) that can do the job” Tasha suggested and I shot a glare at her. I wondered how she knew such a place.

    “If you can convince him”

    “He’s a strong Catholic, he’ll never do it”

    “Easy then! If he can’t do the job, get someone to do it for you” she advised and I shook my head. I couldn’t picture myself cheating on him. I just couldn’t.

    ______________

    Bosco’s POV

    The next day after another uneventful event with Isabel, I sat in my office studying. I had a case to take on and I needed to be in my best game but my mind was in pieces.
    I picked up my car keys then bolted off to see Alex in the hospital where he works as one of the doctors.

    “I’m desperate” I said on seeing him.

    “Let’s go to the office”

    “This can’t wait”

    “What happened?”

    “Ella has refused picking my calls and I’m desperate”

    “Jeez! I’ve never seen you this way”

    “She threatened me okay? How about that stuff we talked about” I said referring to his idea of him getting me a psychologist or a therapist to help me out.

    “I called a doctor I know and he called this doctor he knows”

    “Please get to the point”

    “There’s this psychologist, her name is Dr. Sommy”

    “Sommy? Where is she from?” I asked,

    “Don’t be deceived my brother, she’s an ibo girl. Her name is Chisom Kalu” He explained. It finally made sense to me.

    “They say it’s her field, she’s good with these things” he paused looking at something, apparently he was staring at an elderly patient who was struggling to walk with a young lady beside him, probably his daughter not even paying attention to him.

    I heard Alex hiss. “Although they said her methods are good but they usually go overboard” he revealed and I gave it a thought.

    “You can look her up on the internet, although you might come across some scandals and”

    I was discouraged, I told him I didn’t want her anymore, I demanded for another person.”Obviously she has no scruples to have her personal life escalate into the internet. Please get me another”

    Alex suddenly raised his elbow as though to hit me on the face and I dodged.

    “No dey talk to me like say I be your P.A, I’m your best friend, talk to me like one” he demanded and I laughed then he joined in.

    “Feel free to read her book titled extreme measures. Her methods works like magic.” He continued handing a pamphlet to me.

    I wasn’t sure whether to collect it or not but I did anyways.

    “Call the clinic up and book an appointment”

    “Hey Baby” A voice called out behind me and I recognized it. It was Alex’s wife, Regina. She grudgingly walked towards us with her eight months gone belly bump.

    “Gina went into labor this morning” he announced.

    “I haven’t gone into labor yet doctor, I have contractions” she corrected and Alex laughed.

    “How did you get your degree again?” She asked and I laughed.

    Gina was a doctor; they’ve been married for four years and they’re about having their third child. I’ve always been so envious of Alex and his family. I wish I could have something better than what he has.

    “My water hasn’t broken yet and I’ve been exercising all morning” she added and I cleared my throat getting ready to leave.

    “Whenever he clears his throat that means he’s leaving already” she concluded and I scoofed.

    “That’s a hasty conclusion. I don’t do that every time” I argued and she rolled her eyes.

    “When I have my boy, I’ll name him John”

    “Please don’t add Bosco to it” Alex begged and I laughed.

    There was no dull moment being with the both of them but I had to leave.

    “I wish you a safe delivery” I added quickly taking my leave.

    I received a call from a private investigator who i paid to find my siblings. He called to inform me he was waiting at the firm to have a discussion with me. I quickly rushed over, expecting a good news.

    “How was your trip?” I asked him,

    “Uyo city is still a lot more better than Lagos in terms of traffic. It took me two hours to get here.” He complained and I chuckled.

    “I enjoy the delicacies, I’m now a fan of their Afang soup” he commented and I tried to remember how long it’s been since i tasted the soup. It’s been three months.

    “Any hope on my siblings? Specifically Mary” He asked and Peter shook his head.
    The last thing I needed was another bad news.

    “I told you to talk to the people concerning Mary Bassey, someone should know where she is; even if it meant paying them”

    “Same old, no one knows where she ran to”

    Three years ago I employed Pete to help me find my siblings. I thought it would be easier because I knew our address and dad’s village. On the contrary It’s been difficult.
    I learnt mom committed sucide leaving little Joseph to be taken by a family friend. Mary and James got separated after grandma died. Mary got married and had two kids. She soon ran away from the so called husband who was rumoured to have been maltreating her. There were speculations that she ran away with another man.
    James ran away from town because of a woman who wanted him arrested for stealing her money. I wanted to find out how things went wrong.

    “I did find someone who knew the whereabouts of Mark” Pete said and I let out a sigh of relief.
    I suddenly grew Interested. Finally some good news!

    “Where’s he?”

    “In prison” he answered and I felt my heart break again.

    “I don’t understand, for what?”

    “He was arrested on the count of murder”

    “Are you sure it’s Mark?”

    “Yes… The person he killed is no other than Mary’s husband”

    I didn’t understand why Mark did what he did. He has always had a bad temper. I didn’t want to be reunited with him In jail so I decided that i would find a way to get him out.

    “How?” Peter asked, “it’s murder” he added and I chuckled with thoughts running through my head.

    “Mark is not exactly okay; he has a condition. I’ll send a lawyer to go with you”

    “I’ve been staying in hotels” Peter complained,

    “I’ll increase your pay, just help me find them all”

    Alex called me afterwards, Gina finally had a boy after two girls. I tried my best to be happy for them despite my challenges.

    I called the office of the therapy clinic and they helped me scheduled an appointment with this Dr. Sommy.

    The following week, I drove over to the clinic earlier than scheduled only to realize the therapist was a late comer.
    Thirty minutes went by and she still didn’t show up. I couldn’t wait any longer. I’ve never kept a client waiting, I didn’t see why others should keep their clients waiting
    I walked over to her secretary, literally fuming.

    “This is unethical!” I yelled, “How can your boss keep a client waiting for….” I glanced at my wrist watch. “Thirty four minutes” I completed and she shrugged.

    “Everything about Dr. Sommy is unethical” she replied and I stared blankly at her. Was she supposed to give me such response?

    “It says so in her book” she continued raising the book up. “In chapter three” she continued and I shook my head in regret.

    I would have to call Alex to find me another therapist.

    “Morning Filda” I heard a lady say. I turned only to see a slim, tall and fair lady who had a navy blue shirt on tucked into a white trousers. She looked like a broomstick divided in half, okay, maybe there’s a little exaggeration but she sure looked as though she was a model.

    “Morning Dr. Sommy” the secretary replied smiling at her.

    “So you’re the Dr. Sommy?”

    “Yes I am” she replied not paying attention to me.

    “How could you keep a client waiting” I demanded looking at my wrist watch once more. “Forty minutes”

    “He’s definitely a time keeper” she replied chuckling.

    “Excuse me?” I asked, It felt like salt all over my injury. I felt insulted.

    ” Sorry about the lateness, I had to attend to the dead’s wish” she answered laughing at her own joke.

    ” You probably don’t understand the joke” she added but I cared less. All I wanted was a d--n apology and a good one at that.

    “We’ll work overtime” she replied and I scoffed. Who was she kidding?

    My meeting was scheduled for 9 am to 10 am. I couldn’t possibly work overtime as though I had nothing doing.

    “I’ve got important business to take care of, you don’t keep a client waiting”

    “Okay” she paused, there was my apology hanging on her lip.

    “You’re definitely a lawyer” she answered and I raised my brow in shock, “How?” I asked,

    “It’s what I do” she replied opening the door to her office then she turned over to her secretary.

    “If Mrs. Ajayi calls you, just tell her I travelled to Imo State for a cousin’s baby shower and I will be back next week” then she entered.

    I followed her in unable to believe my own ears. Right in my presence, she just asked the secretary to cover up for her.

    The office was a sight to behold, repulsive to the core. There were books in every nook and crany of the office.
    There were more books on the floor than in the shelf close to the wall. They was a white board at the extreme side of the office. The arrangement was horrible.

    “Sorry about how the office looks, I personally instructed the maids to leave it that way. I love my personal space”

    I scoffed, “Personal space and personal dirt?” I didn’t understand why a woman would be so untidy.

    “If your office can look this disorganized, I wonder how your home would look like”

    “Not like I would invite you anyway” she replied and i scoffed once more.

    “Sit and let’s begin this session”

    “Sit where? There are books on all the seat”

    “Sit on the floor then” she snapped and I took some books off from a chair sitting directly opposite her.

    “Let’s begin!” She tapped her laps in what seemed like excitement.

    I wanted to know why she was happy and she blamed it on andrenaline rush as a psychologist. She sounded rude.

    “What’s your name?” She asked.

    “You don’t know the name of your own client”

    “That’s the essence of introduction, I get to know you and you get to know me”

    “My name is Barrister John Bosco Bishop of Bishop law firm”

    “Bishop law firm? Never heard of it”

    “You’re kidding me right?” This lady was beginning to get on my nerves. Bishop firm is one of the most prestigious law firm in the country. How come she has never heard of it?

    “No it doesn’t ring a bell. It’s Lagos, there are more law firms like that aboki shop. Everyone law graduate is establishing law firm as though it’s a provision store. Law is overrated in Nigeria and lawyers are unprofessional”

    “And psychologist are topnotch” I added sarcastically,

    “You just stole the word out of my mouth”

    “That was supposed to be sarcastic!” I snapped.

    “Your name is like the first stanza of the national anthem” she complained.

    “Call me John Bosco”

    “Bosco sounds like a name I’ll give my dog” she reply laughing. “Come here Bosco, come here Bosco” she continued now throwing her head in laughter.

    I tightened my fist trying hard not to get angry.
    “I was named after a Reverend father”

    “Tough luck” she replied looking away.

    “Okay what’s your dilemma?” She asked, “Why are you here?”

    “I …” I paused, I didn’t know how to reveal it all to a crazy woman like her without hurting my pride.

    “Any day!” She added and I glared at her.

    “I have an issue” I paused again, “It’s s*xual”

    “Don’t be embarrassed John, there’s nothing I haven’t seen before, no sexual condition is new to me. Is it that you can’t keep an erection?”

    “It’s more complicated. I’ve never had one” I revealed and she opened her mouth slightly. I could tell she was shocked.

    She stood up then walked towards me. “How long I’ve you had this? When did you realize it”

    “I realized it in secondary school. Porns never moved me. I had my first s*xual experience when I was in the university… But it was a total disappointment cause nothing happened. I wanted it but,”

    “Not even a tickle” she asked and I shook my head.

    “So you’re a virgin then” she assumed almost as though she was mocking me.

    “How old are you?” She added,

    “Thirty five” I replied and she laughed.

    “That’s legendary. We should put you on a virgin hall of fame”

    “Don’t mock me”

    “I’m not! Trust me dear, I need you to sign me an autograph man, you’re a virgin celebrity” she continued almost forcing a chuckle out of me but I maintained a straight face.

    “Do you have a girlfriend?” She asked and I nodded.

    “But s*x has been inhibited because of my condition. She thinks it’s diabolical”

    “She might be right”

    “I don’t believe in those crap”

    “I’m of the Christ Embassy faith, I believe in that crap”

    “I’m Catholic, I don’t”

    “Some Catholic believe in things like…” She trialed off, “But there’s also a chance that it might be psychological” she added pushing the chair I sat on backwards then knelt down before me.

    Before I could ask what was going on, Dr. Sommy’s hands was all over my Johnson from the fabric of the trousers I wore.

    “Are you crazy?” I stood up from where I sat.

    “I’ve been accused of being w*rse”

    “How dare you touch me? I can have you sued for s*xual assault”

    “Join the queue” she snapped still moving close to me. I felt like she was going to r*pe me. “Stay away!”

    “Oh quit being a cry baby. I won’t hurt you. I’m just doing my job . My methods are crazy and extreme. You have to read my book extreme measure. My client are usually desperate and I’m sure you are. How badly do you want to get cured and let your Juliana know you’re a man”

    “It’s Isabel”

    “Whatever, I don’t care. Just Let me feel it” she requested and I close my eyes.

    “That’s crazy”

    “Don’t consider it as cheating. I’m trying to help you here. It’s a symbiotic relationship”

    She knelt down touching my Johnson, i wondered how she got her degree as a psychologist. This had to be the most insane thing I’ve ever done.

    “Does she touch you?” She asked,

    “she does” I replied.

    “Do you feel pains, maybe you’re diseased”

    “I’m not! I’ve gone for several test”

    She stood up shaking her head. “It’s dead” she concluded, “Call me when it’s time for the vigil mass” she added laughing.

    I was more annoyed. I wanted to leave the office but I wondered why I didn’t.
    Maybe I was truly desperate.

    “Come on! It’s obviously dead” she teased then rolled her eyes. “Jeez! You have no humour” she added then went back to her seat.

    ” For what it was worth, you sure have a reasonable length” she commented.

    After what just happened, could I get anymore embarrassed? How could someone whose profession is to help people pull away from trauma and traumatic situation utter such words that can victimize even a grown up like me?
    To be continued…
    ____________________

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    daniel wiredaniel wire
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    dix psychologist sef

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    DYSFUNCTIONAL
    Episode 3
    ___________
    ___________
    Written by πŸ‘‰ Essien Eno

    Sommy’s POV

    My secretary Filda called me up in the evening to remind me of the appointment I had with a client the next day.

    “Remember he’s the CEO of the Bishop law firm?” She sounded off and I rolled my eyes. When have I ever cared about a client’s title?

    “Please don’t forget”

    “When have I ever forgotten?”

    “Do you want me to remind you of Mr. Alabi or Dr Gabriel” she added. Filda has always been so clingy and persistent. I hated it, in a good way.

    “Okay you’ve made your point. You know very well that I have a lot on my mind lately”

    “I do but he’s John Bosco Bishop, we don’t want him suing our ass for inefficiency”

    “Now I’m scared” I answered sarcastically then she hung up.

    I try not to live my life In fear of anybody. After watching the classic movie ‘Pretty woman’ for the millionth time, I took my phone surfing the web to know more about this John Bosco. I hated the name though.

    The next morning I got a call from my best friend/cousin, Juliet. She called to remind me of the meeting I had. Filda put her up to it.

    “I’m awake already” I replied,

    “I know you so well Sommy, you’re still In bed and I woke you up” she was right but I wasn’t going to make her win.

    “I wasn’t even sleeping”

    “And I didn’t have s*x last night” she snapped and I sat up

    “Who did you have s*x with? The last time I checked Jules, you’re single”

    “Bright and I finally broke away from the friend zone curse” she announced and I squeaked in joy.

    I felt so happy for her. There’s no prison as bad as the friend-zone.

    “How good is he on bed?” I asked then saw an incoming call from mom. “I’ll call you back” I added then ended Juliet’s call.

    “Good morning Mom” I began expecting her to nag as usual. “Are you coming?” She asked and i creased my brow relentlessly to remember what I might have forgotten but I had nothing.

    “You forgot” she assumed.

    “Mom I have better things to think of”

    “We’re reading your father’s will today and he requested that you turn up for it.”

    “Mom I have something to do”

    “Don’t be inconsiderate Chisom”

    “Have I ever been inconsiderate? The only inconsiderate person has been dad and thank God he’s six feet under”

    “Chisom!” Mom yelled and I moved the phone away from my ears.

    “God forgive you for such utterances” she added and I withheld myself from crying.

    “Is his sweet Amanda not around to grace the meeting i asked referring to my fraternal twin.

    “It was his dying wish that you be present during the reading of the will. It’s going to start in thirty minutes from now”

    “I have an appointment by 9”

    “The reading will commence by 8, you can get here In fifteen minutes”

    “With Lagos traffic?” I scoffed.

    “If you stay back Chisom, if you stay back, consider that you no longer have a mother” she threatened then ended the call.

    I laid back in bed letting out a frustrated sigh. I didn’t want to go for the reading of the will. Part of me still holds grugdes against my old man even though he’s six feet under.
    Growing up, I loved him. I was his favourite until the day I registered for Jamb and I chose the course I had passion for; psychology.
    Dad wanted me to study medicine and surgery so I could one day take over his hospital. Chiamanda my twin sister was a commercial student who had accounting in mind.
    Dad wore his glasses then he took a close look at the registration print out.

    “Chisom, I think there’s a mistake, this people registered the wrong course for you”

    “Daddy it’s not a mistake that’s what I told the man to do”

    Daddy raised his head at me then removed his glasses. “What happened to the medicine we agreed upon” he asked and I raised my brow rudely at him.

    “Daddy you and who agreed on medicine?” I asked then scoffed.

    “Daddy I was just listening to you like every good daughter would” i confessed to him.

    I wasn’t ready to pursue medicine as a course. I’ve lived my life pleasing him.
    I just needed to take a breather and for the first time do something I love.
    I loved psychology, my late uncle, Juliet’s dad studied the course. The way he talked about it made me grew interest in it.

    “Chisom, I thought we discussed”

    “Daddy, you were just talking your own oh. I had my mind made up long ago!”

    “How dare you talk to me that way?” He asked then slapped me on my face.

    It was his first time laying hands on me. He then called out to mom who was cooking in the kitchen.
    I knew I was being rude and it broke my heart but if I wanted to break free from Dad’s shackles, I would need all the attitude I can conjure.
    “Did you know that your daughter registered Psychology instead of Medicine and surgery?”

    “I didn’t” she replied now turning towards me.

    “Dad slapped me” I reported rubbing my burning cheek.

    “And I will do it again and again! You better tell your daughter that she’s not sitting for jamb this year, she’ll wait next year to register medicine”

    “You and who would wait till next year?” I snapped and dad charged towards me to beat me and Mom blocked him.

    “What would you study psychology to become Chisom? You want to be as wretched as my brother”

    “Chisom you have to do as your father wishes” mom advised and I felt even more angry.

    “You two are just talking your own oh. Do you guys have any idea how i feel about medicine? Do you two even care about my passion”

    “What’s passion when you’ll be as wretched as Uche” he snapped referring to his brother, my mentor.

    “I’d rather be wretched as you call it than study a course I don’t like” I retorted back.

    Dad wiped his face with his palm. There were veins all over his forehead. He was so close to crying.

    “You won’t be studying that course under my roof and I won’t pay a cent” he declared.

    This was the part I didn’t expect. I never saw it coming but I didn’t let it shake me. Mom begged dad but it all fell on deaf ears.

    The next day I moved in with my Uncle Uche. He wasn’t as wretched as dad assumed, just that he didn’t own properties as dad did. Her daughter became a sister to me. Juliet and her mother welcomed me with arms wide opened.
    There were times things were so tough we could barely eat twice, we still lived happily. My uncle and Mom paid my fees all through my academic years. Dad kept to his promise not to pay a dime on my education.
    If there was something I learnt from Uncle Uche before he died, it was to live life cherishing every good moment rather than lingering on the bad ones.

    As much as I didn’t want to go for the reading of the will, I also didn’t want to make mom angry. The keke Napep driver stopped by the gate. The last time I stopped by at the house was after dad’s burial.

    I walked into the compound, Cars were parked almost everywhere. I sighed preparing myself for whatever might happen. I didn’t understand why dad would request my presence in the reading of his will.
    The maid opened the door after I may have pressed the door bell twice. I walked into the sitting room and all eyes fell on me.

    “Madam late comer” Susan, one of my cousins jeered to spite me, but she had no idea she just made a wrong move.

    “Yeah I’d rather be a late comer than be like your husband who comes early. One minute he’s in and the next he’s out” I retorted turning towards her husband.

    “Chisom” he called out in shame, and I laughed.

    “What? Tell your wife to put her mouth where her ass is” I replied looking around to observe if there were kids around. There were none.

    I heard Amanda scoff. “Barely one minute and you’re making trouble already”

    “Don’t blame me o, blame her” I pointed to Susan taking my seat close to mom.

    “You’re late”

    “At least it’s better to be late than be the late” I replied laughing at my own humour.
    “Why are you laughing?” She asked,

    “Cause I’m late and dad is late.”

    “And you think that’s funny” she added.

    “Cheer up Amanda, you’re like the widow here, mom is not even as grumpy as you are” I pointed out and Mom pinched me.

    I saw Amanda’s husband shake his stupid head. They’ve been married for three years without kids and I have no idea how to initiate a topic with my own twin to find out why.
    We grew up apart, she doesn’t seem to like me, she has been feeding off from Dad’s bad energy.
    I never like her husband, there was something about Bob that I didn’t like and I couldn’t place a finger on it. For starters I hate the fact he had a square head, I nick-named him Sponge Bob square head.

    “No more interruption” An elderly man announced. He was dad’s attorney and I respected his request, if not for anything, for the grey hair on his hair.

    “Now we begin” he cleared his throat.

    My eyes widened In surprise. Apparently, they were waiting for me before commencement because dad requested my presence. I almost rolled my eyes. Such hypocrisy! The man hated me!
    I tried not to dose off as the lawyer read all the preambles. Dad willed the house over to mom and another house he owned In Abia State and some money. To Chiamanda he willed the hospital so Bob could manage it. I saw him grin like a goat. What did my sister see in that idiot? I kept on asking myself.

    For a while I was lost in thought until I heard the lawyer call my name.

    “To Chisom Kalu, I hand over these notes to her” The lawyer stopped bringing out about six or seven envelopes then he resumed reading.

    “I beseech that you read it carefully and intently.” He paused and i waited for the other part of the will that stated that I hereby will blah blah blah blah to Chisom Kalu.
    There was a brief silence.

    “Is that all?” I asked and the lawyer nodded.

    Every enemy I had in the room broke into laughter except mom and Chiamanda. Susan’s annoying cackle filled the whole room.

    I could fill my anger building up. I stood up walking out of the house.

    “Chisom!” Mom followed me and I turned to her withholding my tears.

    “Mom I’m late for my appointment with my client. I can’t believe I just wasted my precious time”

    “I never expected your father to leave you notes”

    “That’s cause you’ve been married to a monster for thirty good years. You didn’t even know who he was. Dr. Kalu was a hypocrite”

    “Don’t say bad things about your father Chi Chi, he loved you”

    “What a nice way to show his love mom, he gave me notes”

    “I think you should read it, hear him out.”

    “If I get that note, the first thing I’ll do is set fire on each of them” i restrained myself from crying.

    “How can a father hate her daughter so much even in death” I cried out cleaning my tears with my fingers.

    Mom raised a car key up, this is her fourth time offering to give me the car but i didn’t need it. My pride would not let me collect it.

    “I don’t need it mom” I answered and she hissed.

    “Pride goes before fall Chisom. You said it yourself, you’ll be late”

    “I don’t need dad’s properties to survive. I’m going to make money from my God d--n profession and I’ll buy myself a car, even if it’s second hand” I retorted then I walked towards the gate.

    I signalled for the gateman to open the gate for me and he did.
    To be continued…
    ____________________

    DYSFUNCTIONAL
    Episode 4
    ___________
    ___________
    Written by πŸ‘‰ Essien Eno

    Sommy’s POV

    Before I got to the clinic, I had literally brushed the whole thing under the rug. It was a technique I employ to get rid of my problems. I simply imagine them as dust and I use my imaginary broom in sweeping them off. It was my urgent escape from reality.

    I walked through the hall that led to my office when I heard someone making complains about me. I recognized the face from my little Google search last night.

    “Everything about Dr. Sommy is unethical” I heard Filda say. I wasn’t sure if she meant it as a compliment or insult. Just when the man threatened to leave, I had to make my presence known.

    “So you’re the doctor Sommy?” He asked and I nodded.

    “How could you keep a client waiting for..” he paused looking at his wrist watch. “Forty minutes” he continued and I almost rolled my eyes if not that I was trying hard to respect him.

    I knew his type, the ones with the over time concious persona. School prefects who could have functioned well as time keepers.

    “Definitely a time keeper” I uttered unconsciously. I didn’t realize I had said it out loud. He seemed insulted.

    This man was a complete bore. He didn’t get any of my jokes. All lawyers are boring! This might come off as a hasty generalization, but I’m yet to meet a lawyer that has humour.
    He was too serious for my liking and he wanted a d--n apology. I could see it in his eyes and I wasn’t ready to give him one.
    In between his eager expectation for apology, I remembered all my theories on lawyers

    “You’re definitely a lawyer.” I spilled out.

    “How?” He seemed shocked that I knew. Of course I did! I read his biography on court war blog. I never knew such blog existed until last night.

    “It’s what I do” I found my crazy self reply then I turned to Filda requesting that she covers up for me when Mrs. Ajayi calls. She’s a client that wants me to help her with her marriage with her crazy urge for s*x. I’m just a psychologist and not a miracle worker!!
    Most times I wonder why people come to me so I could work miracles for them.

    I entered into my office and I almost closed the door back from how horrible it looked. It looked like a pig sty.
    It never bothered me until now. It has been this way since I scattered the office looking for a VIP invite to a seminar. I knew i kept it in a textbook. Since I didn’t remember which, I scattered the whole office looking for it until I found it.
    That was three months ago.

    I saw the horror on his face when he looked at me. For the first time in a long time, I was ashame. Then I brushed the thought off even when he made derogatory remarks about how the office looked I just ignored him. I already felt like strangling him.

    “What’s your name?” I asked. The shock on his face was interesting. He got angry and I was just simply excited. I pretended not to know who he was out of spite. Nothing gets celebrities more angry than you not recognizing them.

    After several argument with him, I decided to dive into the business of the day.
    I wondered what his problem might be. There’s no condition new to me, I’ve seen a lot of clients coming to me for crazy things. I was shocked when he told me he has never experienced a hard on. All of my years in this profession, this was a first.

    I walked towards him seriously concerned. I wanted to know how it all began. It occurred to me that John was a freaking thirty five years old virgin.

    I laughed; all show of concern immediately converted into laughter. He had to be the oldest virgin in the world I thought then an idea popped into my head to give him a hand job.
    As crazy as that was, I knew I had to do it. I get inspired to do crazy things like that but I’ve never gone as far as giving any client a hand job. I pushed his chair backwards then knelt down touching his peestick from the fabric of his trousers.
    He stood up threatening to sue me for s*xual assault. I rolled my eyes and hissed within.
    I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been attacked by jealous wives and how many relationships and marriages I’ve saved.
    Shared on whatsapp by Martino.
    I tried to convince him to agree to my crazy idea and he finally agreed.

    I touched and stroked the d--n thing. There was no groan, mo*n, he was just static. Every normal guy gets excited with a good hand job, i thought he was diseased but he claimed he was fine.

    After several trial to wake up the sleeping dragon, I stood up shaking my head like a doctor about to break a bad news to her patient.

    “It’s dead” I announced, “Call me when it’s time for the vigil mass” I added. I noticed he was very angry about.
    The guy has no humour! I went back to my seat.

    ” For what it was worth, you sure have a reasonable length” I complimented. I just managed to weird him out.

    “Can we move on?” He requested and I agreed.

    “What do you suggest I do?” He asked and I shrugged.

    “This case may be pychological or physical. Maybe you got into an accident as a child or a baby or it might be diabolical, we can’t rule that out” I added and he rolled his eyes.

    “I did have an accident when I was ten”

    “There we have it, maybe your scrotum got fried up” I answered almost laughing.

    “It was a blow to my head” he replied through gritted teeth.

    “Then it might be psychological, maybe an experience in the past affecting your s*x life” I guessed,

    “You have to be specific, I didn’t exactly have a good start”

    “You probably grew up in money away from daddy’s love and affection.”

    “I was adopted by Anthony Bishop, I had a rough start”

    “Let me know, it might just help out in figuring this thing out” I advised and he nodded.

    “I failed my father and my siblings” he began and I picked up my notepad to write.

    “How did you fail your father and your siblings” I swallowed hard.

    “I was ten when my father died, my siblings were separated, my mom was a drunk who couldn’t take care of us. I was moved to Lagos” he paused now shutting his eyes in pain. I felt sorry for him.

    “Dad said i was the man of the house. I was supposed to be the man, to take care of everyone of them but I didn’t”

    “I think the right word is you couldn’t, it wasn’t your fault”

    “I failed him” he insisted.

    “Maybe you’re not able to get an erection because you don’t feel you’re man enough to get excited” I paused rushing over to my white board then I picked up my marker drawing a phallus on it.

    “What are you doing?” He moved closer.

    “I work with my white board” I explained then boldly wrote ‘responsibillity’ on the board.

    “Responsibility has just one ‘L’ he corrected and I scoffed.

    “Of course I knew” I cleaned off one of the ‘L’.
    The spelling still looked wrong to me. How can responsibility not have two ‘l’?

    “You didn’t” he argued and i scoffed once more.

    “Well I didn’t study english” I snapped. I think I saw him chuckle.

    “You’ve channelled your inability to fulfil your promise to your dad into your ability to be a man during s*x.. Your inability has destroyed your ability so all you have to do now is to let go of your promise to your dad”

    “I can’t”

    “The only solution is to find your siblings, it’s been twenty five years. How would you recognize them? It’s impossible. This isn’t a soap opera, this is real life. If you make your manliness connected to finding them, you’ll be stucked in this condition” I explained to him and he plunged his hands into his trousers suits then sighed. I guess he was either frustrated or confused.

    “How can you help me then?” He asked.

    I was completely out of ideas, i needed a time out.
    “Oga if you ask me, na who I go ask?” I said out loud unconsciously again. “Did I say that out loud?” I asked and I saw him glare at me.

    _____________

    Bosco’s POV

    After an unsuccessful and traumatic visit to the therapy clinic, I swore never to go back. Dr. Sommy was nothing but a crazy clown.

    It’s been a week and Isabel has been refusing my calls. I learnt she travelled.
    Tasha called me up yesterday, told me she came back but doesn’t want to see me. I bought a bouquet of flowers, apology cards and some gifts then I drove over to her family’s house.

    I knocked and Isabel opened the door. She had a short denim gown on.

    “Hey dear” I greeted stretching the flower at her.

    “I’m sorry” i apologized and she smiled.
    She has always been a sucker for flowers. She collected it then invited me in and I walked in.
    She placed the flower on a shelf now, I didn’t understand why she wasn’t looking into my eyes. Perhaps she was still mad at me.

    “Sweetheart I’m sorry for”

    “It’s okay” she interrupted, “I’ve forgiven you, I’m just concerned about your well being” she replied kissing me on the lips. She tasted like wine, she has definitely been drinking something alcoholic.

    “You make me worried,” she added.

    I felt pathetic, perhaps that explains why she was drinking.

    “I should be apologizing for not picking up your calls” she placed her palm on my cheek.

    “The way I spoke to you that day was wrong, it’s not your fault”

    “Have you been drinking?” I inquired,

    “I took a bit” she replied.
    “I’ve been thinking about us. I’m so happy to see you” she added kissing me on the lip.
    I scowled at her, Isabel was not a kind to drink. She was acting strange and i just didn’t understand why.
    To be continued…
    ____________________

    0
    #1422180 Reply
    daniel wiredaniel wire
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    this one deep o @valentine roger on

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    #1422212 Reply
    AvatarKwin
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    I feel sorry 4 John, none of it was his fault.
    next pls

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    #1422254 Reply
    AvatarGrace
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    Interesting,..next

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