Forums Coolval Family (drama) Food Is Ready (Short Story)

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 64 total)
  • Author
  • #679276 Reply
    • "Posts"23346
    • ☆☆☆☆☆

    Written & sent in by yungryce

    #679279 Reply
    • "Posts"23346
    • ☆☆☆☆☆

    (Light dims, curtain opens)

    It all starts with one of ma friends
    He had spent almost two semesters,
    Chasing and hunting down dis particular girl,
    But no service mein!!!!

    She just felt my friend was not good enough for her or maybe something else, because any move he was making was yielding no results….

    He took it from all d modern known means,
    Down to ancient methods.
    writing perfumed letters, folded in a heart shape….
    Sending flowers with notes,
    Bribing her friends to keep chocolates and various other goodies under her pillow…

    Wetin remain sef
    Na to stand for her room window for night,
    Throw stone…den when she come outside
    He begins singing with a romantic band he must have put together
    Which of course will be comprised of me and some other junkies….

    But as e be say
    We no sabi sing and all,
    We made sure he stuck to all he had been doing… abeg!! We no want wahala…

    Beht Girls eh!!!!
    Dat my guy suffer ahn!! Ahn!!.
    Phone calls….
    Text messages
    Recharge cards…which d gal neva accepted instead sef on one ocassion she send am back plus extra ontop…. check out na…

    Even me sef follow dey compose poems give am.
    Inshort let’s just say that it was a collective effort by all of us…
    To make sure say….

    she dey mad?…she must gree joor!!!!

    But I must say….
    D girl fine sha…
    If you see shape eh….choi!!!
    She set pass mathset…..
    Her English na die….
    Few people live after hearing it
    Walking step na mental….
    Fit put u for yaba Left….
    Smile na heiiiiiiiiiiii smh
    Eyes na hypertension
    staring @ it na @ owners risk…

    And she come know say she fine…
    So d shakara na highest…

    Beht eh After months of toasting
    Incessant fasting…(cos d idiot don spend most of him money finish…and our money too…)
    And Countless praying….

    The Lord answered his/our prayer….

    Igbo woman’s voice:Umu chineke eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
    The Lorttt is gooooooodtttt…….
    I say the Lordtttt isi gooooodttt ooooo….


    She agreed….

    And we also found out that she had long been liking him.
    She just wanted to make a brova sweat.

    Y girls??? Y do y’all do dis??? Just tell me y?

    I remember d day our man brought d news
    We went to eismann (a prominent bar in school) to celebrate.
    Popped drinks, poured on him.
    People wen see us go think say dem don award us contract…

    Smh shey? Yeah we know.

    The dating started
    My friend was of bestest (allow me pls) behaviour.
    Him no wan hear story Say bird born four children nine come die.

    And we understood his plight.

    His ranking in school also increased…
    As per dater of arguably d prettiest gal in skool.

    D gal sef she sabi grab attention.
    She Holds his hands in school.
    gives him pda (public display of affection)


    we were so all happy for them
    It was all so romantic **brings out handkerchief**
    So touching **sniffs**

    Now am gettin all emotional and I wanna cry
    My man was in love **bursts into tears**


    Omo I must mention that d pda dey reach us too.

    So yeah!!!! We were happy for him…..
    Like really really happy….

    Then at last….

    She decides to come n spend d night…

    []Omo mein!!!!

    If u see preparation…

    Environmental sanitation for d room like say na last saturday of the month…

    air freshner: check!!!

    Washed white toilets(lmao): check!!

    Full generator tank incase nepa misbehave: double check!!!

    Ehhmmm lemme see anything else?
    U know every na…let’s just say
    Our room was ready to receive princess diana

    D bike stopped…
    She started entering the compound
    My friend went out to receive her
    See eyes from our lodge people.
    And d babe sha sabi handle attention
    She first give my man better hug and peck 1st
    When she came inside d house, she gave us our own hug too sha without peck though…

    But **nodding** dat was over okay for us..
    And there we where….
    Watching film away and bidding time before we exile…(**winks** u knw hw it works shey? Naughty u )

    From nowhere…
    an unexpected question came up…

    She was like “guys have u eaten”
    We first look our man to know whether dis na d exit question
    And he was like yes but …..
    She cut in and said she wanted to cook…
    I think to impress my guy
    Cos he was a huge fan of girls that could cook.


    Girl fine like dis
    Come sabi cook….
    No tell me… u tell me…
    is it not d Lord’s doing?

    I was almost tempted to ask her if she had a sister…

    She stood up
    Went to our stocked up kitchen (we prepare wella for dat side too mein nothing must be left to chance)
    And started bringing stuffs out ready to cook…

    “One more thing guys, pls leave d room I want to surprise y’all”

    Her rating in my books was leaving hundred
    And entering about 2million….

    We all left including our man….

    Baba oooooo!!!
    All these and more we were hailing d boy

    I was lying flat on the ground
    Another guy was fanning him
    And d last guy was touching his head with our guy’s hand and shouting “master bless me… teach thy servant thy ways that I mayest prosper”
    “That withersoever I goest…. I shall be a fisher of women… pretty women such as thou art with …. bless me… I pray thee.. O thou great king”

    We were sha catching fun….
    Laughing and teasing our man
    Dancing round him
    And salivating already from the aroma of the food we were perceiving

    Today na today….

    Knock knock

    “Guys food is ready”….


    She was about to serve the food
    But there was not enough drinking water…

    And so I ran downstairs to buy some.
    Before the woman closed

    How many she asked…
    Madam gimme 10packs I said….

    I reach upstairs back….
    Handed over the water
    Sat down, comot shirt…. sniffed d air….


    Dis food go be die,
    The aroma na die,
    The arrangement of the food highest…

    She served us in trays…

    Egusi soup and better hot eba….

    I took my time and prayed….
    Thanked God for a day like dis
    Appreciated him for d food
    While rememberin that some can eat but have no food…

    Blessed d union of our friends
    All d while breathing and taking in the smell of the food….

    Oya na leggooooo

    I put hand,
    Cut the eba….
    Roll am to my size…
    Rub am for the soup
    Then put am for mouth…..

    GHEN GHEN GHEN(c’mon na… for uncle stephen story, na im action no go dey?? No nah…)

    Something was wrong
    My mouth was on fire….
    “Uhmmmmmm” I screamed….
    “Wetin” d oda of ma friend asked
    “u neva chop sweet food before stevo?
    No dey shout like fool”
    “Nothing o no vex u chop na… before I finish d sweet food”

    Thief boy
    Cut very big eba… rub am well well inside d soup
    And as e dey hot like dat e put am 4 mouth
    “Eiiiiiiii!!!” He screamed…..
    “Wetin, dey chop na, abi u sef neva chop sweet food”

    “What is it” d girl asked…
    “Nothing o, sista nothing” we both chorused
    While drinking a sizeable amout of water..

    Omo eh!!!
    Everything was wrong with that food
    It just did not taste right…
    And worst of all e come be like say she karri all d pepper for dis life put inside…

    Omo we wia done for…

    So there we were
    Setting fire to our mouth
    Killing our taste buds
    Drinking water like mad
    And yet hailing the girl for her wonderful culinary skills…



    “How is d food” she would ask
    “Fantastic, inshort av neva tasted anything like dis in my life before”
    And she was blushing…

    I dint understand how a food dat smelt so good ended up like dis…

    But we continued eating
    Tears filled ma eyes
    D girl was laughing and telling her boyfriend how much of a tremendous actór I was
    Cos she was interpreting them as tears of joy.

    Each swallow
    Was hard and tough…

    D water don dey finish…
    So we had to manage it seriously…

    Omo mein e wasn’t easy…

    Even peppersoup would not have as much pepper as dat food dat day

    We don manage dey finish am…
    And she was like “lemme get u guys more”



    Who she wan kill….
    I was tempted to lie down on the rug and beg her that it was okay
    Dat in whatever way we had wronged her
    She should forgive us

    Dis was a wrong way to die….

    Then it was turn for my friend to eat….

    Omo mein…

    And him sef neva sabi wassap….

    We just had to F him up
    And we suggested she feed him…..

    Unto romantic things and all….
    Mumu boy sef as d gal go kitchen go bring him own
    Dey hail us say our sugeestion make sense…

    Just a few minutes and dat would change.

    Food set…

    She wash hand

    Cut eba…. rub am well for d soup

    Mumu open mouth wide….

    Dem put am inside
    And d reaction was instant….


    “O boy see say ur babe dey cook” I asked.

    “Honey dis is wonderful…. kai gimme more please” He replied
    Encouraged by this…

    She increased the frequency of feeding as well as the size of the balls…..

    Each swallow was accompanied with
    a praise for d food or “baby gimme more I like how ya feeding me”

    A smile hiding the real feeling.

    It was a classic case of fela’s suffering and smiling

    Omo my guy eye dey red
    And water don almost dey finish
    I swear small thing him for don dey cry

    And e be like say d eba no dey finish…

    We were there enjoying the scene
    With our own mouth open… to allow air in and reduce the effect of our peppered lips….
    At last d eba finished
    And of course na, more was not an option…
    He just escorted us outside
    While d chick cleared up…..

    My guy reach d other room lie down for ground
    Drink better water…. den carry big handfan wan blow him lips comot….

    The other of my friend was so pained that he attacked him….

    “Shebi u see ur life, u for talk say we no want, now see wetin u done do us”

    “Shatap der u for talk no”

    And it was fire for fire
    While I was laffin wit my sour mouth as usual.

    Till my friend slowly and sadly went back to other room….

    We just lie down,
    Open mouth sleep….
    Under fan for that matter

    Ehn, if mosquito like enta our mouth, no P.
    But how we were feeling
    Kai… even as I’m writing now my lips and mouth don dey hot….

    The next morning
    Our mouth pain don reduce
    Only for d door to open and we heard her voice saying

    “Food is ready guys… u’ll love it”

    No way mein…

    I had to have an impromptu test that morning
    The other guy had to go and see someone important too
    And d last guy was really full from the sumptous meal of yesterday… that he would eat later
    Leaving our man….
    To enjoy the food alone…

    No time for risks again……

    The End

    #679285 Reply
    Etz Froshberry
    • "Posts"20733
    • ☆☆☆☆☆

    Nice One.

    #679286 Reply
    Etz Froshberry
    • "Posts"20733
    • ☆☆☆☆☆


    #679293 Reply
    • "Posts"25491
    • ☆☆☆☆☆

    Na which kind pepper be that sef

    Nice story

    #679295 Reply
    • "Posts"340
    • ☆☆

    Lol no be small thing oo

    #679300 Reply
    • "Posts"5559
    • ☆☆☆

    Food is ready…double check!!!
    Nice story..i can’t laugh ooh.

    #679310 Reply
    • "Posts"8970
    • ☆☆☆☆


Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 64 total)
Reply To: Food Is Ready (Short Story)
Click on page (1) above to find episode links of this story

You can post your comment below

You can use BBCodes to format your content.
Your account can't use Advanced BBCodes, they will be stripped before saving.

Your information:

<a href="" title="" rel="" target=""> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <pre class=""> <em> <strong> <del datetime="" cite=""> <ins datetime="" cite=""> <ul> <ol start=""> <li> <img src="" border="" alt="" height="" width=""> <div class="">

Skip to toolbar