November 20, 2014 at 10:51 pm #103668
It was on a sunny Tuesday afternoon, I sat
down at the quadrangle thinking on how to go
about with Dr Longe’s assignment. Dr Longe
is my literature lecturer. He is bronze in
complexion and diminutive. He is baldheaded
but he wears cap nine times out of ten
because he dresses in ankara (a yoruba native
attire). He lectures the 300 level students.
I have been thinking so deeply for minutes but
the idea was still bleak.
“Eureka!” I shouted on the spur of the
Everyone around sitted at the quadrangle
looked at me astonished.
“The guy is drunk.” Some shu-shued to
themselves “He is so high on igbo(weed)”
Some chuckled; concealing their mouth with
their hand. I was so engulfed in joy that I
finally got the idea to my assignment, so I
wasn’t really perturbed about their jests.
I rushed to a proximate lecture room to write
down the idea I got. I smirked and
immediately started writing.
After spending days and nights working on Dr
Longe’s assignment, I finally finished. It was
late already for me to proceed back to my hall
of residence so I decided to sleep in the
lecture room where I just completed my
assignment. I layed down on a long bench,
and kept my books on the table in front of me.
I last remembered it was 2:14a.m. before I
dozed off. I didn’t really enjoy my sleep
because, the army of mosquitoes that
attacked me were more or less like the boko-
haram sect in action. They made lot of
annoying sounds that made me slap myself
every single minute. I was so beleaguered by
these vermin so I decided to sit up and
crosscheck my assignment which I wrote in a
foolscap sheet. While scanning, I fell asleep
again; nature cannot be cheated, so I placed
my ever nodding head to rest on the table. It
was a nice sleep. The mosquitoes have
retreated. I was so comfortable, exchanging
my hands simultaneously from under my
resting head. I began to snore. I snored very
loud, just as loud as a locomotive train. I
disturbed other reading students in the room.
They were all grumbling and mumbling at my
unpleasant sound. No one could dare wake
me up or dare touch me because I look fierce
and huge. The students started leaving the
room because the enviroment was becoming
bright. They all left me still sleeping;
punishment for disturbing them. I was later
tapped by a security personnel. I didn’t really
feel being tapped so I change my sleeping
position. He has no time for nonsense so he
decided to give me a slap that got my
sleepyhead back on track. I woke up confused.
I was bolted from the blue when I didn’t see
other students in the room. I swiftly wanted to
arrange my books when I noticed my
assignment is gone. I had drooled all over my
assignment paper and my unremitting hand
movement over it made it look like a papier-
“Won’t you go to your hall?” the security man
asked with a commanding tone.
I frowned at him with one corner of my left
eye, because my 30marks is just lying useless
in front of me; Dr Longe’s assignment is his
test. The security man respected his old self
and walked away because I could daze him in
a jiffy. I really don’t know what to do at that
very moment. I don’t have much time to write
another assignment and I can’t afford to
forfeit 30marks, I thought to myself. The best
option was to filch someone’s assignment. It
was already 7:19 a.m. I hurriedly set out for
Dr Longe’s lecture is for 8:00a.m. I have less
than an hour to be prepared and get my
filching mission executed. I got to my hall
with the plan of just brushing my teeth and
combing my hair; bathing was never an option
if I really wanted to accomplish all I had in
mind. While I was brushing, I tried all I could
to silence the soft dissenting voice that kept
playing over and over again in my brain.
Although am an exco in my church fellowship,
but never will I let that interfare in my
academics. I will beg for forgiveness afterall, I
smiled as I thought to myself. I set off for my
mission. On my way I diverged to meet Bayo,
my buddy, at the cafeteria whom I explained
my intentions to. He succumb so easily
because I bought him a bottle of maltina to
step down the beans and bread he was
gobbling. Our plan was well arranged before
we arrived at the lecture room.
It was 7:47a.m. when we entered. Everywhere
was raucous; guys arguing loudly about the
soccer match that was played yesterday, some
girls were jealously gisting about the current
Miss Nigeria; why it should or shouldn’t be
her that won. Me and Bayo were sitted at the
back of the lecture room looking all around
like primary school pupils attempting to cross
an express road. After meticulously searching
for our prey, we finally found one, Sade. Sade
is a busybody, she was busy jumping from one
gisting group to the other. While she was away
from her sit, Bayo made the move according
to plan. He went straight to meet Sade to
distract her away from her sitting position
while I ransack her bag for her assignment.
Bayo is a cute guy; girls in my class trips for
him, so that gave him an edge to arrest
Sade’s interest. Oh my! Sade’s bag gave me
arduous time to open. I was so struggling
with the zip of her bag that I obliviously
began to sweat. The sweat that kept dripping
because of fear of been caught in the act. Zip!
It finally opened. Thank God, I almost said.
Sade was no longer interested in all Bayo
have to say again because Dr Longe would
soon come in. I raised my head to see Bayo
trying his last chance by pulling her back as
she turned to come to her sit. My hand was
shaking while I buried my head back to
continue searching. Bayo kept trying to ignite
the fire of a romantic gist they were having
while Sade fumed at every bit of it.
“Good Morning Sir!” some students greeted.
I raised my head up quickly only to see Sade
looking at me shocked.December 4, 2014 at 12:58 pm #113256
My heart was beating very fast and loud, so
loud that I could hear it. I remained at a
standstill, like the three traditional statue
positioned at Lagos gateway, still holding her
bag with my left hand while my right hand
acted like a car wiper, cleaning the sweat that
covered my face. My brain was thinking of
what to say as she approached where I was,
her sit, with a deadly frown on her face.
“You all better settle down now!” Dr Longe
commanded, “You should have been ready for
Nobody messes around with Dr Longe, not
after what he did to Ibrahim, a 400 level
student, last session. It happened that Dr
Longe entered their class and ordered
everyone to be silent, but Ibrahim was busy
conversing with his hausa friend, Ahmad. Dr
Longe again ordered for decorum. The class
became quiet, so quiet to hear a pin drop.
“Kai mutumin nan mai sanko kai kokari ka
samu mataji.” Ibrahim muttered, which means
‘Bald-headed man, kindly get a comb.’
Ahmad chuckled; he quickly concealed the
sound and his teeth from becoming evident
with his left palm. Dr Longe feasted his eyes
on Ibrahim. Ibrahim similarly gazed longingly
at Dr Longe.
“Lai lai ba shaka, zan samu mataji.” Dr Longe
enunciated still fixing his eyes on Ibrahim,
which means ‘Sure, I will definitely get a
The whole class was flabbergasted. They never
believed Dr Longe understood hausa,
debatably speaking it because of his chronic
yoruba accent. The class suddenly became
“Who was he talking to?” Some asked nosily,
“What is the meaning of what he said?”
Dr Longe who was dressed in a native attire
with his cap on, with a frown on his face
removed his cap slowly, just to make his bald
head noticeable enough for all to see. His
eyes was still fixed on Ibrahim, who was sitted
shocked at Dr Longe’s response to what he
“Kai! How this man come hear wetin I talk?”
he said to himself, “I no shout na. This man
don dey use juju.”
“Get out!” Dr Longe interrupted his thought,
pointing to the door.
The whole class became more rowdy. Ibrahim
never hesitated, he pick up his bag and
bounced out of the class.
Ibrahim is a living proof that Dr Longe is a
strict man. Afterwards, we learnt a vital lesson
we hardly will forget; never to underestimate
someone’s ability and never to mess with Dr
Longe. Ibrahim had to take Dr Longe’s course
again because he failed it. Ibrahim explained
all this to me.
I immediately jumped out of Sade’s sit before
she got to me. My heart was still racing while
I hurriedly find my way to my sit. Bayo joined
me immediately with a frown on his face.
“Why were you slow?” He murmured.
I never gave him a response because I had in
me the fear of Dr Longe. I can forfeit 30marks
but not 70marks, was the caution that kept
my lips sealed.
“Why on earth were you slow?” Bayo added
with a pinch on my thigh.
I squeezed my face in pain, my eyes fixed on
Dr Longe and responded quietly “You must be
“Hey! You! Looking at me, stand up!” Dr Longe
said with a surly look on his face.
My mind, like a bluetooth transfer of a 1kb
file, very quickly recalled Ibrahim’s story. It
was almost happening just like his.
“Am in for it today” I said to myself, “Omo
Bayo yi ti ko mi si wahala,” which means
‘Bayo, has landed me in trouble.’
I immediately developed goose pimples. My
heart was beating so fast that I began to pray
muted while I was standing waiting to be
“Why are you sitted behind today?” He asked
My heart immediately halted its 100metres
race. I let my breath out and instantly became
relaxed like a deflated baloon. I never knew he
has always noticed me sitted in the front row.
“I—I—I fe—felt like sir.” I stuttered, knowing
fully well what transfered me to the back sit;
“Come back to your sit!” He commanded,
pointing to where he frequently sees me.
I swiftly and gladly picked my bag away from
the demon-disguised friend, Bayo, who almost
landed me in trouble. As soon as I was settled
down, Dr Longe started his lecture. I wasn’t
really interested because my mind was
divided, many things flashing in and out it. I
was thinking about how I foolishly drooled
over my assignment, how I was caught red
handed about to steal Sade’s assignment,
how I won’t even have anything to submit
when asked to, how I would lose 30marks to
carelessness, how I will read hard to pass the
course with 70marks left. I really felt
disappointed with myself.
My attention was called back when Dr Longe’s
phone rang, so unusual. He brought his phone
out and checked it. He tilted his head 85
degrees to the left and thought for some
“Sade! Come here!” He said demonstrating
with his index finger.
Strange again. He never gets close to any
student. Everyone was amazed at his sudden
change. Sade got to him in a jiffy. I had the
opportunity to look behind to Bayo and give
him some abusive signs with my hand for his
actions that almost landed me in trouble.
When I returned my head to its position, I saw
Sade pointing at me.
TO BE CONTINUED…
links to available episodes
episode 3 (scroll dawn)December 4, 2014 at 8:41 pm #113463
I began to twitch immediately like someone
afraid of been tested positive in an HIV test.
All that flashed my mind was the moment I
wanted to pinch Sade’s assignment. My
jerking was becoming obvious so I decided to
recover myself. Sade kept discussing with Dr
Longe while the class gets more rowdy. I
buried my head pending the time the class
comes to its normal state.
“Why me?” I questioned myself, “What have I
done wrong? Things are not the same again,
“Quiet!” Dr Longe suddenly ordered the whole
I swiftly raised my head up just to see Sade
back to her sit. Why then did she point at me,
I wondered again. I shrugged and purposely
cared less about all that happened.
“You all should submit your assignment to the
class rep.” Dr Longe said walking out of the
class, “See you next week.”
Sade hurried after Dr Longe as he exited the
class. My heart kept skipping, thinking she
was going to report me to him. I quickly joined
them out of confidence or fear; not sure which
was operating on me at the time. They both
were already talking before I got there.
“Ehm—Eh—Ehm Sir, I didn’t take it.” I
“Take what?” Dr Longe asked with a
disgusting look on his face. “How is what we
are saying your business?”
I kept quiet immediately. I looked like a
chump, transfering my left hand behind and
scratching my head with my right, patiently
listening to what Sade was saying.
“Sir, my assignment is not here with me.”
Sade continued, “I forgot it in my hall.”
I hysterically had an inane look on my face.
What! so all the while, Sade’s assignment
wasn’t in her bag, I almost said. I succeeded
in wasting my time and fooling around. I felt
like knocking myself continuously on the head.
I silently disappeared from there, so sure they
never knew when I left.
I couldn’t bear all that has been happening to
me, so I decided to take a break for the day. I
ran into the class, picked up my bag and
escaped before Sade comes to grill me. Bayo
kept calling my name as I was hastily leaving
the class. I can’t afford to answer anyone
because I needed to be alone. I had thought
being alone was the best therapy for my
I have two more lectures left for that day but
it doesn’t really matter to me because my
mind was already made up. As a matter of
fact, not attending those lectures doesn’t have
any effect on me because the lecturers of
those courses are perpetual absentees.
I started my solitude on the road by listening
to cool gospel music. I was totally enthralled
in the lyrics of each song that played one after
the other. It kept convicting my lost soul. I felt
like shedding tears because I really felt lost. I
never imagined I could think of stealing as an
option for my carelessness. My eyes was so
saturated with tears that immediately I blinked
my eyes, some trickled down my cheeks. I
buried my head quickly and cleaned the tears
with the back of my palm from making it
obvious. Afterwards, I raised my head and
prayed silently in my heart for forgiveness and
I took my time, strolling to my hall of
residence. Everywhere was extremely quiet, no
doubt everyone was out for lecture. It was
good enough for me, because I would have a
solace sleep. I stayed at the topmost floor of
the fourth block of my hall. I hate climbing the
stairs, not even at this time that I want to get
to my room quickly. I skipped one or two steps
while climbing, stretching my legs wide to
reach the next staircase, hoping that would
get me twice as fast to conquer the whole
stairs. I finally got to my corridor. I suddenly
sneezed. My nostrils became clearer than
“Uhmmmm… This smell is familiar. It is
familiar.” I said nodding my head like a lizard
in approval of my instinct. “This smells like
Kofo’s perfume. Yes na!. This is Tony
Montana. It is jor. Uhmmmmmm… My nose
can’t decieve me.”
I discarded the whole thoughts that kept
gushing into my small brain, knowing fully
well that Kofo must have been in the lecture
room. Kofo is my girlfriend, she is the real
definition of beauty. She is tall and bronze in
complexion with a very long curly hair. She
has a figure eight-like shape; she is curvy in
shape. She got a blue pupil colour and a
perfect smile that kept her irresistible.
“Ouuch! Hmmmm! Ouchh!! Easy on me.” A girl
moaning from one of the rooms.
“Ko je je be.” I said to myself with a fake smile
on my face, which means ‘It mustn’t be so.’
While almost getting to my room, I quickly
grabbed my phone to call her. I dialed, but to
hear a ringtone coming out of my room.
“Ooooooooooooooooouch!!!” the female voice
came out of my room.
I stood in front of my room like a dummy. My
mind quickly accessed the last naija film I
watched, where a man caught his wife
redhanded with his friend in bed. I closed my
eyes and shook my head, easing off the
thought that kept playing.
The Intimate sound that kept coming out of
my room got me totally frenzy. I dialed the
number again but I wasn’t disappointed, a
ringtone sounded out loud from my room
TO BE CONTINUED..December 4, 2014 at 8:49 pm #113467phoenix danielsMember
Lol…..vh!z’ rel! Funny
Abeq! c-m cont!nue ooo….#thumbs up#December 4, 2014 at 9:11 pm #113552TobilobaMember
hmmm….lolz, abeq continue oooDecember 4, 2014 at 9:54 pm #113557Etok Lizzy M
Hmmmmmmmmmmm post anoda one naDecember 4, 2014 at 10:49 pm #113616alphaMember
i cant fit wait abeg..December 5, 2014 at 3:18 am #113688DonMikieMember
Lolzzzz.. Gbagaun Gbagaun.. Hmmmm, dx na caught in d act naa.. Mehnnnn, ur day don really bend com get k-leg lyk kpanla fish.. Next episode plsssss