jst keep it rolling
We remained in that manner for sometime with Jane not knowing exactly what to or what not to say.
“I couldn’t help it you know?” I rhetorically said after sometimes.
“I know my dear.Its okay” she calmly replied me.
I never intended it that I was gonna cry that day nor even let such exhibition of unguarded emotions interfere with what was supposed to be a great moment between us that day,but,things happen!
I didn’t want the final memory Jane will have of me being that of her old lover crying like a kid when he heard she was getting married.No! I wanted us to go out with a bang! But damn,I was just going to turn 21 by August of that year and she was going to turn 24 or probably 25 as I would rather correctly align; I didn’t know how to feel at that moment nor the emotion to show,so I guess my being did the only thing it knew how to do best…….cry!
* * *
We ended up having more rounds of s*x when I apologised to Jane for my inadvertent poor emotions ( to which she admonished by the way,telling me I had every right to cry).
After we were through with everything, with our talks,she reached for her bag and gave me an envelop(the contents of which are personal and contained cash).I rejected it initially, but she insisted I take it,making this comment that I have never forgotten:
“I might be getting married,but it still doesn’t change what we had,what we have.My body is still mine!”
After a little more chat,I escorted her to the park and waited till her bus was full before I started going home.
I went home that day with dejectedness written all over my face.Only my heart could really truly explain what it has lost cuz I lacked the words to explain it myself.
I,that is so good in masking my emotions and feelings and state of being,I couldn’t hide this one.
I simply went inside the room I shared with my immediate Junior brother,lay down on the bed and beckoned on sleep to lift me out of my sorry state…..And help did it render to me.
No sooner had I closed my eyes to escape my earthly misery did Pretty’s now unPretty face show up again.
Well,unPretty cuz I could see that it kinda felt for me.
What exactly was she feeling for me? Or is my mind using my own emotions against me in my own perceived dream?
Whatever,Pretty last told me she was coming to tell me something the last time around,so,I guess this is it then!
I can’t really tell exactly or can’t really recall how Pretty appeared to me,but she just echoed a simple:
“Come”,followed by a smile.
I followed her.
The place we saw ourselves was unmistakable, an reenactment of one of my favourite childhood spot,my secret garden.
“How is this happening?” I could have asked myself if it wasn’t a dream,but,you really never know its a dream till you wake up from it,do you?
“My name is Fathai!” I heard her speak to me.
“Although I don’t know how we both are here,but are we on a date?” I asked her.
Okay,rewind back,I didn’t ask that, this is what I asked:
” How are you doing this?” I asked in a manner of someone who is actually in control of their dream.
She gave me an askance look,cuz it was surprising to her that I should ask that kind of question while unconscious.
” Well,I wouldn’t say am really doing anything to you.” She replied.
“How come you are always here?” I asked.
” Not really!” She replied.
“So what did you plan to tell me?” I asked.
“Nothing anyway.Just wanted to thank you!” She replied.
“Thank me how? I don’t understand” I inquired.
” You won’t understand!” She replied.
“Is there really anything about you I can understand? All your replies are never straight,and you are yet to tell me the reason why I keep imagining am seeing you every moment.
“Exactly the point” she said.
“Here we go again!” I nonchalantly retorted.
“You still don’t get it?” She asked and urged me to come and sit near her on that pretty garden.
“Get what?” I asked.
” You are the one always drawing me to yourself!” She finally said..
“How?” I asked.
” Think back and see if you can remember ever wishing to meet someone in an obscene situation!” She said.
I started laughing. I mean,come on,everybody do imagine silly unrealistic wishes while in certain state of minds.How does that have anything to do with anything? This were my thoughts though.
“I don’t know where you are going with this,but I think we have to start going back home before you start making me get scared.”. I said.
“Scared of what? No one can harm you as long as I exist!” She said.
“Woow!You just spoke like my love Amara.” I said.
“I know” she replied.
“You know her? How?” I queried.
“You still just don’t get it!” She said wearily,and continued:
“Open your eyes!” She ordered.
As if my mind obeyed her command immediately, I woke up to realise that it was a dream,but,it was as if there was an actual presence of someone there with me;but at my waking,the person scampered away!