Episode 1

“You see snakie, u need to go to the
university, dont be deceived by the money
that’s coming your way now, you will have
plenty of money when you graduate. As for the
girls, there are many of them in the university.
Big, small, thin, fat, dark or light skinned…you
will get them plentiful. ….just try and gain
admission and you will see that girls will start
coming your way unlike this one you are
disturbing yourself with presently”……..(My
uncle advise)
I was surprised hearing from my uncle who
graduated from the university two years earlier
that I will get enough girls to bleep once I
gain admission into the university….”so, na
how babes plenty 4 those university b dis?
Then I must gain admission for me to get enuf
bleeping” I said to myself…
Fastforward to some months after, I already
passed my jamb and eventually gained
admission after my name came out on the
final list. This was not after we knew
somebody that knows someone and connected
us to somebody that knows the right person
and was able to give tips to that right person
before my name came out…..This was more
reason I was frustrated about university in the
first place cos how will u explained someone
that scored 253 in jamb and had all his SSCE
result completed but still has to tip someone
before he could gain admission.
A night before my first day in school, my
mother called me to advise me…… (I will say
this in yoruba and translate)
“snakie, eti e melo…”meji ni ma”…..kilo fi
nse….”mo fi ngboro ni ma”…….jhoor oko mi,
owo oniru, owo oniyo ati owo alata la fe fi ran
e lo si ile iwe…..to ba de skool, ranti omo eni
to nse, ma kegbe kegbe, ma rin rin kurin, iwe e
ni ko koju mo…..eyi to se pataki ju nipe, ma
kobinrin, ma ba won ni girlfriend kaakiri, koju
mo iwe e….even to ba ma lobinrin, eyokan ti
to e, de je ki nmo……oko mi, sori awa obinrin,
idi o yato sidi ooo, oju ni gbogbo eyin okunrin
ma ndo, eyin okunrin le ni orisirisi oko but iho
kan na lowa lara awa obinrin……..so, ma tele
oju kiri, to ba ti nikan, gbamu daada ko de ma
tele fine face kaakiri”…….”mo ti gbo ma, e
seun ma”
Meaning…….”Snakie, hw many ears do u
have…”two ma”…what are they mearnt
for?…”to listen ma”…my son, the money we
are using to send you to school is from our
hard earned sweat, when you get to school,
pls remember the child of whom you are, dont
join bad gangs, dont go to where you are not
suppose to be, focus on your book pls and the
most important thing is that you should never
follow girls….even if you want to have
girlfriend, one is okay for you and you can let
me know her, you know one thing aboug girls
is that, our Kitty-Cat are not different from
each other, its faces that you guys bleep (u
see different fine girls and u want to bleep her
but in reality its the same Kitty-Cat she has
that your girlfriend have too), we are not like
you guys that have different sizes of dickson,
all ladies have just one hole….pls my son,
dont follow face and be bleeping all around,
when you get the perfect person pls be ohk
with her my son……”thank you ma, have
heard all what you said and I wont disappoint
you ma.”…I replied”
PLEASE SIT BACK, RELAX AND ENJOY
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