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Olabisi Onabanjo University popularly called OSU or OOU
changed me, It reduced the rate at which I make use of
my gargantuan phallus even at its detumescence state
but don’t even imagine its seize when it’s hard because it
becomes dinosaurian such that even mothers of three or
four get excited looking at the bulging frame from my
pant trousers. Yes! You heard me right, mothers! I lay
with anything under skirts. I had become a legend before
leaving Lagos for Ago-Iwoye with the intention of
painting the town red with my power rod but sadly I couldn’t because registration process under the main
Campus popularly called PS or Permanent Stress is
enough to run a man mad but thank God I didn’t run mad,
before the commencement of lecture I already hated
the school, registration process was cumbersome but
when it was finally over I began to find something
interesting about the school.
On this Monday morning, I resumed my own class at the
motion ground and went straight to join the Kegites who
were gyrating and drinking palm wine which is available in
abundance, then this lanky guy bumbled in, he stank of
cheap liquor and cigarettes;
‘Haffa na my guy!’, he approached me with a stretched
arm. I shook him and replied; ‘I dey’.
‘Me sef don see say you dey as you dey flex alone this
early morning, na you dey enjoy o’, I laughed and replied
him; ‘which enjoyment dey inside palm wine na?’.
‘Ahhhh!!! Enjoyment plenty ooo, oya make dem gimme
something make I drink for your head na’, he said.
I liked the guy’s courage and humility. It is obvious that he is
not a fresher like me and he knew that I am a fresher
yet he still decided to hang out with me so I called out to
‘Eya’ the palm wine tapper. I would have ignored him but I had so much cash on me and what I needed at that point
in time was a mate to drink with me. I ordered for two
gourds because my cup was almost empty so we
started drinking.
‘My guy, thank you jare, I really need this drink, my girl
friend just leave me because of one stupid yahoo boy like
that, so the thing dey vex me gaaan’
‘Eh yah, sorry’, I tried to console him.
‘Which kind sorry you dey tell me, shey my mama die ni?, I dey go OGD hall go look for fresh fish there jare’, he said.
With the way he addressed me, I assumed he didn’t
know I am also a fresher, perhaps I was wrong to think
he knew. So as we drank on, I contemplated whether
to tell him or not, he made my thought easier because he
is a chatter box so he talked on and on while I brooded
over my decision. Although it sounded like it’s no big deal
but to someone like me who has familiarised himself with
undergraduates I knew making your status to a stalite
known as a fresher makes you vulnerable to extortion
and subjugation sometimes, so I decided to keep my calm
and played along.
When we finished our drinks, I paid Eya and we left the
pub together;
‘Thanks for the drink bro, me na Nas, Nas o pe meji ni
OSU yi’, he introduced himself with a self adulation.
‘Me na Last Born’, I said.
‘Okay na Last Born. So, where you dey go?’, Nas asked
me.
‘Nowhere jare’, I lied. I knew I am supposed to attend a
GNS class at OGD but I didn’t just feel like it.
‘Ehn ehn, oya follow me go OGD na make we go catch
fresh fish’, knowing I had no choice because Nas looked
and sounded like the type that will convince someone to
do something out of his will but he didn’t need to
convince me much because that was my real destination
and I had no other place to go any way.
OGD lecture hall was filled to the brim with all 100L
students waiting for the lecturer in charge of the GNS
course. Students from other levels who came to the
lecture hall to hunt for babes and make new friends
were almost as much as the 100L students themselves
so the hall and its surroundings was busy like a hive when
we got there.
We quickly mixed up with the crowd and Nas found
himself a babe in less than five minutes, three minutes
later he found another one and by the time we had
spent fifteen minutes there he has collected about
seven phone numbers and making a girl laugh out so loud
that he she could be heard ten yards away.
Nas looked at my direction and saw me standing
perplexed so he excused himself from the girl and came
to me;
‘Haffa na, how many you don catch?’, he made it sound
like catching a fish for real or like it’s that easy. It is easy
for him any way.
‘Guy! Soji yourself o, no dulling for here. You suppose don
catch one fish as par say you be fine boi, girls go even
dey monkey for you’, as he spoke he noticed I wasn’t
looking at or listening to him rather I was staring at an
angel walking towards my direction.
Nas brought me out of my reverie with a mocking devilish
laugh;
‘Mugu! You don miss road, no just go there at all o, na Sisi
Oge you dey look? That girl wey proud pass like say na
she be president pikin. She no dey answer guys before,
na now wey she win Sisi Oge you come dey look her?’.
I ignored him and walked up to her but wished I hadn’t
done so because I got the disgrace of my life as she
looked at me as if God isn’t my creator, hissed and
walked off to a Honda baby boy and left me staring at
the rear of the car as it zoomed off while I stood glued
there staring into blank space.
…to be continued!0I guess Sisi Oge later got under your charm and was crazy about you.
This tory be like say e go make brain die oooo
0Where my fellas dey and those coolval clerks. Make una come with una register come call attendance oooo
0@Adedayo plz am begging u anytym u drop anoda line am pleading dnt forgt 2 tag my name i nid 2 follow dz 2 end.
0EPISODE 2
This will be the first party I will attend while on campus
so I didn’t know what to expect. I thought it will take the
shape of what I’m used to back home but Alas! I was
proved wrong when I got to the venue by 7.pm and it
was deserted. I thought I’d missed the venue so I re-
checked the broadcasted message which Nas sent and I found out that I am at the right venue at the right time
so I decided to take a stroll.
A course mate lives around Itamerin which is not far
from the venue of the party so I decided to check on
him. When I got there, the mumu boy was watching
‘Spartacus’ so I sat down and joined him in the intense
show of ogreish and savagery intense love making movie,
the film caught our attention and we were lost in it and
before we could say “tick-tac-toe”, the time was
almost midnight, I hissed, kicked off my shoes and
prepared to share his bed with him when Shina, one of
his hall mates barged in.
Shina is one of the big boys on campus, Duru had gisted
me that he owned a Venza, an EOD and a Lexus jeep so
when he popped his head into Duru’s room his perfume
alone is enough to take my eyes off the TV set;
‘Duru so u never sleep, abi u sef wan go the party?’,
Shina asked Duru but Duru happened to be a dulling guy.
‘Bros no o, I wan read because we get GNS 102 test
tomorrow’.
Shina laughed out louder than one could imagine so I wondered what was funny about reading for a test.
‘So na GNS you serious with like dis, guy you be mumu,
dress up make we go party jooor’, Shina told Duru but
Duru refused so I utilised the opportunity and asked Shina
if I could follow him to the party. The guy agreed
without thinking twice about it. Obviously, he didn’t want
to go alone;
‘E be like say you be sharp boy, come jare make we dey
go, I hope say you Sabi drink well o’, he said.
His question excited me because he sounded like someone
who is ready to get me drunk and I am always more than
ready to show him that I’ve made friends with the bottle
right from infancy.
As he cruised towards the venue of the party, his
headlights shone on a couple kissing and snuggling by the
corner, they cursed him with the unexpected distraction
but he just smiled and ignored them. They were the first
set of many others who followed in nooks and crannies
around the venue or at the rear seat of the cars parked
around making out.
The strong pungent smell of marijuana took the air as we
alighted, that was when I realised I am attending a real
party, my thoughts were confirmed when we entered
the hall and the smell of marijuana, cigarettes mixed with
body odour, liquor, alcohol, perfumes and sweat
overtook me.
Stepping off the cold night into the hall marked a sudden
change in the atmospheric condition. The heat in the hall
was like that of a bakery and I loved it, I loved the
odorized atmosphere because it has a feeling of intimacy
to it. Right from the entrance of the hall, the hyper
sighted Shina and his praise rented the air;
Shine Po in the building, make some nooooise!!!’.
Prior to this time, I didn’t know Shina is the legendary
Shine Po I’ve heard about even before I secured
admission. With his influence, I got admitted to the VIP
section with less traffic of dancers. As the bouncers
made way for us through the dancers, I saw the angelic
babe seated in the VIP section where Shine Po and I were being led to. The same girl who clunked out on me a
few days ago, she is none but the Sisi Oge of Ogun
State.
She wore a black lycra dinner gown which clung to her
skin like a second skin. I quickly made my way towards
where she sat before Shine Po would. Two other girls
sat on her left hand side and just one guy on the far left
hand side having a tete-a-tete with one of the girls. I skipped her and went straight to the other girls after
saying a brief hello to them I moved on the only guy in the
VIP section obviously the financier of the exclusive
section of the party whose table carries one bottle of
Ciroc, two bottles of moet, several bottles of Andre
and several other bottles of wine and liquors. I later got
to found out that he is also a legendary OSU boy called
‘Omo Alhaja’.
It is rumoured that he is as wealthy as Shine Po or
wealthier than shine Po, whichever way it turns out only
the parties involved knew how much there are worth.
They both bought cars for whichever girls they dated on
campus and offered humanitarian services like paying the
tuition fees of less privileged students. I turned back and
went to sit by the girl and said ‘hello’ she ignored me and
concentrated on her phone. An iPhone 6plus, unlike some
other guys that will be intimidated, I also brought out my
blackberry bold5 and started pinging. Shine Po was
already seated by the other guy and they were
discussing in hushed tones.
So as not to look like a fool I decided to give it a trial again
as the saying goes “OSU boy no dey carry last” and I’m
already a part of them. So I decided to take it rough since
this babe doesn’t look like the type that will give in with
ease so I startled her by pinching her elbow.
‘Are you mad?’, she spat at me.
I replied her with a wide grin shouting at the top of my
voice because there was so much noise coming from
the speakers and I could hardly hear myself speak;
‘Wow, thank God, at least I know this babe that is giving
me a sleepless night is not Dumb’, she smiled wryly and
concentrated on her phone again.
Twenty minutes later, she had loosened up because I
didn’t give her a breathing space and I knew she wouldn’t
want to walk out of the VIP section or leave the party
that midnight so walking out on me like she did on campus
is out of the question. I’ve also learnt that I am sitting in
that VIP booth with the two wealthiest boys on
Campus meaning for now I can make use of the
opportunity and pose like a big boy or a big boy’s friend.
Shine Po ordered for two more casket of champagne
and this brought more attention to our VIP section, the
hyper resumed his duty by hyping shine Po till the caskets
arrived at our booth.
Sisi Oge losened up even more because she laughed at
two more silly jokes which I cracked while leaning on me
then our slow bonding acquaintanceship was interrupted
by the hyper again only that this time I heard my name
and Sisi Oge’s summoned to have a dancing competition
which is called “LOSE N STRIP”.
…….to be continued!2+
