November 21, 2017 at 10:15 pm #1130909Femi Michael-Kusimo
22nd May 2017 didn’t come like every other day I have witnessed in the land of Alabata.
A day with memories that dance “shoki” on my cerebrum.
Burning all sentiments in hole, I thought the gods took a sabbatical leave that day as I got up from bed six minutes before 8am from this short, cool atmosphere that kept caressing my dreams till dawn.
I had, the previous day, honoured a vigil invitation from Tomilola ; thinking it would serve a ground to express the feelings buzzling my veins- but it hell didn’t. I had always wanted to tell her all entwined like a cobweb in my heart after her first visit to her brother in my hostel.
I left the church premises in the predawn hour of the day
‘Tomi’- I called, tapped her leg but it seemed she was still enjoying her sleep, and so I decided not to disturb her.
On getting back to my hostel, I subjected myself to the lovely romance of sweet dreams. It was the ray of light penetrating my blue curtain that jolted me back to life.
The time I woke up didn’t really matter, but this every-class attendance taken by this wicked lecturer, and the fact that he did start his class not earlier or latter than 8am.
I rushed out to fetch water from the tap and the only response I got was what was interpreted by my brain as
‘What a f--k!’
With my scalar quantity dangling between my laps in my knicker, I jogged down the frog and toad that leads to a nearby mosque where I got a not-up-to-five-litre water from the well that was already drying up.
I returned to my hostel, whirled my towel round my neck and migrated to the bathroom where the assurance that gods were on strike was waiting for me.
Not less than four buckets were lined at the entrance of the bathroom with each person standing close to his bucket. Merit said he had 8am lecture too and so he couldn’t give me the chance to go in before him. Peter was not even ready to listen to my pleas.
By 8:37am, I was at FUNIS junction, waiting for Mancot.
As one would expect every junction to be on Mondays, FUNIS junction was dense with tens of students. The first Mancot came, it was full to tyres. The second, third, I was still there with just N20 in my chest pocket and my phone in my trousers’ pocket.
The fourth mancot came, with enough space in it that gave me hope, and maybe over-confidence. We were assembled and trooped in orderly. As it was my turn to go in, I heard the mancot driver say:
‘It’s okay, no one should come in again’
It was getting more serious than I thought as it seemed some unseen forces were set for my mockery.
The ticket seller made a call through to a Mancot driver at school who promised to gear down to FUNIS. He came, and we were driven to school.
Students who took the path leading to JAO3 sped with Hussein Bolt’s velocity, and I, with the speed of light, towards YAKUB.
Sweat glittered my forehead and my shirt stuck to the tiny of my back while I kept raging the pathway.
I mounted my hands on the door handle, It dawned on me that it has been locked.
‘Another catastrophie!’ I muttered.
‘What do I do? How do I go in?’- many questions flowed through my mind.
I knew I had just one option…the other entrance. The entrance that opens all eyes even if flies fly in.
I marched-off and walked in gently- perhaps I sneaked in.
‘Hello, young man’- the lecturer’s voice drilled in my ear.
I pretended as if I had a log of wood in my ear, ignoring him. I proceeded to bury my keister in a seat at the back of the auditorium.
‘Hello’- the voice came again.
‘He’s calling you’- Lawanson whispered.
I turned back and walked up to the bald-headed lecturer.
‘So, you didn’t hear when I called?’
‘…so sorry sir, I didn’t’
‘Why are you just coming to my class?’
He checked his wrist-watch
‘Nine o four?’
‘Just stay there!’
It was then I noticed this beaut called
Olat Bukkie , laughing at me. Bukkie; a lady with well-structured geometries and magnetizing physiognomy. The one lady I asked out and rejected my proposal telling me;
‘You poor boy, leave me al alone! I have a boyfriend’
‘But what then could make her laugh this hard?’- I wondered.
Oh my heavens!
It was my trouser that caused the hysterics. The trouser I forgot to use belt with and I had to pack it up with my left hand to avoid further embarrassements…
By 9:32am, the lecturer had instructed me to go have my seat. I was tired already and the fact that I didn’t sleep well at night, I just went off sleeping.
All of a sudden, the guy sitting next to me tapped me.
‘Bro, abeg I wan pass’
I adjusted and he melted away.
It was just then I knew the class has ended.
Aduragbemi approached me in his well-ironed trouser and starched shirt dancing melodiously to the rythm played by the wind.
‘What’s up dude?’
‘How was the test brah? Did you also get 22 as an answer? ’- he asked, penning his eyeballs into mine for a reply.
It wasn’t his smiling face that pestered me the more, but this wickedness stocked in his voice as if he didn’t know I just woke up.
‘Was any test conducted when I slept?’
‘I woke up just now, JAO!’
I just had to believe I missed the short test.
Then it was the turn of hunger to drum my tommy so hard but I couldn’t just go to my hostel cos I had another lecture from 4 to 6pm- my eyeballs became ‘redish’ in colour due to the intensity of hunger striking me like ASUU.
The lecturer didn’t show up, and I couldn’t just sit and bear the hunger anymore for it has gotten to my physical system.
At 4:40pm, I decided to leave for my hostel so I could drench the last milligrams of garri in water and allow the molecules roll doen my throat but Mancot queue I ran into reminded the hunger to increase itz lense power. I thought of what to do for a while before “Femi, shunt jare” came to my mind. I successfully ‘shunted’ and got on bus. The hunger struck me harder that the lady sitting beside me asked if I were alright.
Just before the last set of people came in, my phone vibrated
It was Richard calling, and I knew something wasn’t right.
“Hello Femkush, the lecturer is around o”- his voiced penetrated my ear. It wasn’t funny a scenario as I got blank for grave seconds. I was staring at my stomach requesting for itz ‘tithe’
I rushed down, having paid the last naira on me (you dare not think of collecting it back, dem go embarrass you ehn).
I ran towards MP01,where the lecture held.
After the class, I walked down to Mancot park with two departmental friends thinking either of the duo would pay my TF. I was surprised when they all chorused
‘I have just N10 on me’
I left the queue gently and stepped aside, awaiting a miracle.
‘Why not just walk up to the ticket seller and explain to him?’- I thought.
I noticed someone behind me was keenly listening to my conversation with the young man.
‘Just step aside first, I’ll attend to you later’
‘No, I’ll pay for him’- a feminine voice intercepted- It was Bukkie ‘s, the same girl who made my morning ridiculous.
‘So, you still remember that name?’
‘Yea, sure I do. Thanks’
‘You are welcome’- she replied.
We moved in and the bus set on motion.
As we approached FUNAAB ZOO, the bus started giving signs like a yet-to-be-discovered talent rumbling the stage. Students began ranting, showing displeasure.
The bus stopped exactly at the front of the Zoo gate, the driver ordered us to alight. He injected one rubber pipe with a syringe filled with petrol then ignited the engine.
‘Vhoom! Vhoom!!’- the engine came alive.
We marched in but the happiness lasted for seconds when the engine went off again, reminding my breadbasket of the hunger again…
‘Owo aye ti wa lara mancot yii (this mancot is under spiritual attack)’ – a lady commented angrily.
The driver tried his best to get the mess fixed up but all his labour equalled nothing.
sun- d--n hot
I wondered what was not hot at that point in space.
Wisdomcalls whispered in my ears.
‘FemKush, we gats leg am’
And swiftly, we began our own fast and furious 8. We kept gisting as we ragged the tiled road.
When I got to my hostel, I greeted people with a fake smile promoting my somewhat smartness.
‘Good evening’- I greeted without waiting for a reply, and simultaneously thinking of the cup to use to drink my garri.
The first “welcome” I got was from this stew being prepared by Adesola. Her room, facing mine directly did not keep all she was doing away from my sight.
With my eyes counting different condiments going into her pot, I dey use style dey open door. She added ponmo, crayfish, locust beans et all. I could not take my eyes off her pot, and as soon as she noticed I was still battling with the padlock, she looked back. It was just then I remembered to greet her again
‘Eku ise o’
and she replied with a big smile dominating the territories of her face
‘Ekaabo o, bawo ni lectures?’
I answered her and finally migrated to my room. The aroma announcing itz glory in my nasal holes could not make me sit comfortably so I made for the door. I went outside and rested my keister on a pavement, anxiously waiting for a miracle.
In a twinkle, I saw her approaching me all smiling (she loves smiling). I was happy as I thought God has eventually answered my prayers I silently let out of mouth.
‘Ayefele, please do you…?’
‘Yes, I do’- I cut in without waiting for her to complete her statement.
‘Please, give me two’
‘What’s that?’- I patiently asked.
‘Please, give me two cubes of maggi’
Femi Michael-Kusimo © 2017November 21, 2017 at 10:29 pm #1130948RyderMember
Weytin u go give as excuse now hahahaNovember 21, 2017 at 10:39 pm #1130953Mhiz LilygoldMember
Lols what a bad dayNovember 21, 2017 at 11:28 pm #1130971σиєαℓ32Member
hahahaNovember 22, 2017 at 6:35 am #1131060JerrieMember
Haa mogbe!November 22, 2017 at 7:27 am #1131080Dr.BASSMember
Lol, don’t spoil me o.November 22, 2017 at 7:34 am #1131085FreshgirlMember
Lol nice storyNovember 22, 2017 at 7:55 am #1131098Sule AyomideMember
Na your village witches oh