"The First Day I Tried To Kill A Chicken" By ClassCaptain

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    I spent the previous night on my Braveheart23 2go account , chatting up precious and promising to send her 100 go credits as Christmas gift..She was obviously excited and I was glad..I was beginning to like her and was just concluding plans to tell her to be my “Girl”..

    We chatted till around 2am before my sagem battery died and there was no light to boost the phone as the power holders held their light to themselves like a man without fuel holds his gallon at a fuelling station selling at 145 naira.At least I was able to engage her in a lenghty conversation today…I slept off happily with the hope of continuing our gist and fulfilling my promise to her as soon as possible the next morning �..

    Boo. Boo…- My Elder sister called out my name like a woman on her MP stung by a scorpion..

    Boo boo..she shouted like three more times..

    I am coming ….I mumbled.. There was still no light …God :o.

    I got out of the room to see My father and mother in a seriously tensed ghen ghen kinda atmosphere..

    Good morning ma..good morning daddy.- None of them answered me.

    Mum was in the kitchens sieving rice and Dad was in the living room ,one of his hairy yam legs was placed on the stool.

    …Yes..boo.How are you – My Dad replied.

    I am fine Sir… I replied and prostrated again..

    My mum did not bother to even reply or look at me . she continued her kitchen work…..as she sang Jesus na biggy man , u no dare call am small boy with so much vigour and passion..

    ” Lola, shey u will not come and find the palm oil for me now” …She shouted at my sister who rushed in to help her find the palm oil which was just right in front of her ….directly..How she didn’t see it amaze me..

    I looked at my sister to find out the reason for the way mum was acting but she fled to the kitchen before I could communicate to her by matching her foot..

    Yes sir…
    Merry Christmas ..

    Thank you sir …
    Many more of this in Jesus name….

    Amen sir..

    You will see one chicken outside..White..with red crown like this ..beside the generator outside …ehn …Go and kill it….

    ..I couldn’t fathom what I heard ….Probably I wasn’t hearing right ……

    Kitchen …

    ….”I said Chicken…chicken ..And be fast with it…We are going to the Church by 11am for the service..

    He said and immediately walked out of the living room as I looked on , my mouth wide open …

    I was just 15 ..!!!!!


    For some minutes, I stood there dumbfounded like a girl 2face just cumed inside her..Why today ?? Why me..

    Boo, better go and kill that chicken fast and do not delay me tori olohun” – My mum instructed as she continued with her cooking.. My sister was looking at me as she almost bursted into laughter…. She brought out her white tongue and widened her eye ,bringing her hands to her eyes …

    I understood what she meant..she was making jest of me..

    I was surprised …

    The previous years, My father had always been the one killing the chickens ..when he was not around , we called uncle Dino, our neighbor to help with the herculian task..

    But now we have moved to our own house..A silent ,mind your business, dey your own house kinda hood..Which neighbor we wan call on now to help us kill the chicken bai..

    This was supposed to be the duty of a man…abi which kind family I enter so..I was just a boy..Jesus …Jesus.. If u can save me from this one , I will serve you forever :'(

    Boo, I will not tell you again with my mouth…- My mum shouted again and went to take the knife …Unfortunately for me, she picked the blunt yellow knife in the kitchen and gave it to me..

    Oya, be fast so you and your sister can start pulling the feathers..

    I could see tears of laughter almost coming out of my sister’s eye …..

    I went out to the back of the house , near the generator to meet my victim, adored in white and legs tied with Ankara …Shit was everywhere..I looked into the victim’s eye , the victim sef look back…

    This is the Chicken here staring at me!!!! Shaking its head..this living thing is what my Father has asked me to murder in cold blood


    I stood there looking at the innocent chicken ….and my mind could not but flash back to chigozie , one of my school mate whose chicken killing experience went viral.

    Chigozie was huge and a bully in school.. Not untill the news of his adventure with a chicken went viral after his sister shared the news…Chigozie had been asked to kill a chicken and even had to be beaten to execute the mission…He eventually felt pity for the chicken and let it go..

    All attempts to recover the Adiye proved abortive..Oh my God..The way his sister narrated how Their father flogged chigozie that day, you will wonder how he survived that episode. Till date, one of his most renowned nicknames his Chigozie Fowl yansh.

    all those thoughts flashed my mind as I stood face to face with the chicken…

    Boo,boo…my mum called me…

    God please help me oh….I closed my eyes , took a deep breath and grabbed the c--k…sorry fowl from the ground..

    kuku kuku kuku….kukuk u…..

    The hen was chanting and pleading with me to temper justice with mercy but no….I cannot afford to be disgraced like chigozie…

    Mummy. how do I hold it to kill it…

    boo, you mean you are still there..Do they bring the skill of killing a chicken from heaven… ehn..u can eat the chicken nobody taught u but to kill it now , u want lesson… ….biko answer me..

    ..Jesus …I couldn’t but wish at that point I had a elder brother …or that uncle Dino was around…

    Can’t this chicken just vex and die by itself …I placed the chicken sideways as it widened the eyes…I took another deep breath…

    lola Lola , please come and see something…..

    I beckoned on my sister ….At least to see someone that would motivate and strengthen me but my mum held her back..

    Lola Lola…

    this time , they didn’t even bother answering me..


    I asked God for the forgiveness of my sin and told him I have no choice..I beckoned on him to grant the chicken a place in the eternal home and for the chicken to forget my face when we get to heaven ……

    So.help me God..

    with that I carried my knife …

    I looked at the chicken for the last time and I could hear the chicken plead with me to temper justice with mercy….

    I closed my hand and held the chicken as I brutally danced shaku shaku with the knife on the chicken necks. I felt the struggle of the chicken as the innocent chicken moved the legs in a bid to escape..

    I just kept cutting and cutting and cutting….

    And at a point, my hands were shaking and I was breathing fast..I could feel my temperature rise..The chicken’s red blood was spilled all over the sandy soil..

    I hurriedly dropped the knife and stepped back a bit…I was already perspiring and sweating hard..I could feel hot salty tears drop from my eyes… I was about covering the blood and taking the dead chicken inside when I saw the chicken flapping the wings and trying to do a come back to the world of the living probably in a bid to oppress my loved ones for its death..

    I didn’t know what came over as the chicken ‘s eyes seems to be rotating up and down in an attempt to sight me probably, I quickly picked and smashed the chicken ‘s head repeatedly.. At this point, myself and the chicken had climaxed at the same time as I could feel a trickle of hot urine straight from.my bladder drip down my trousers and the chicken had also released a hot shit ….

    I had just killed a chicken ..with a knife and smashed the head with a stone…I knew I had committed another big sin as the favorite part of the chicken for my Father was the roasted Head of the chicken …….

    and here was the white fowl I was ordered to kill, totally headless like a song of Sinzu ft burna boy


    I quickly covered the shattered chicken ‘s head with sand and took the lifeless body inside..My sister was already rolling with laughter as she spotted my wet zip area ….

    I was sweating profusely and praying that God forgives me of my sins …

    ” boo, where is the head …my mum asked smiling..I was quite surprised..

    ” The knife was too sharp,I butchered the head , Dad cannot eat it…

    I was expecting an outburst of words on how angry dad will be and all that but to my surprise , my mom.was just smiling and chuckling..

    I was sad and it felt like my innocence has been taken away..I was thinking of all the chicks the chicken would have given birth to if I had not brutally murdered it like one useless criminal …

    I.was still ruminating about my sin when my dad came outside smiling too and questioned ..

    He killed it ??? – he said looking at my mom.

    my mom nodded in affirmation ..

    “That’s my boy “… My Dad shouted in joy and ecstasy.. It was as if his son had won a million dollar ..I saw the joy in his face…

    He came close to me, rubbed my head and patted my back as my mum shined her semi white teeth in admiration and my sister too , that one was just blushing anyhow..

    ” You are now becoming a man…I would have killed it but you did “..That was brave of you ‘”……..


    Mehn, mehn , mehn….I could hear a Goat bleating and someone knocking on the door.

    Tayo, is that you ???- My dad asked …

    yes sir , – The person responded..

    Alright come in …

    The young man came inside with a black goat spotting a nice goatie and tied with a pink clothing around the neck ..

    meh, meh, meh.- ….The goat sang melodiously

    My Dad went inside as I just stayed there, wondering what was happening??

    He came out and gave the Tayo some money …

    Tayo left and did not leave with the Goat ….

    At this point , My Dad looked straight into my our eyes and said this was this year’s surprise for Us and that he had been saving for this year’s present for us.. He stated that instead of buying clothes for us every time which we usually spoil and misuse , he thought it wise to buy a goat so that we can resolve the issue of not having plenty meat to eat during Christmas as the chicken meat is not enough …

    my mum and sister were so happy as they jumped up in excitement and in anticipation of the death of the new goat …My mum went to hug my dad and my sister followed too while I just stood , watching and wondering what kind of family God decided to put me like this..

    , Thank you daddy…Thank you my husband..

    this was what I was still hearing when suddenly I heard a masculine voice which seems to belong to my Dad..

    ” Boo, OYA Goan and untie that Goat and kill it…..

    That was the last thing I remembered before the black out


    THE END ……

    #1155194 Reply
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    #1155201 Reply
    Tee Riches OG
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    #1155242 Reply
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    #1155287 Reply
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    You dey fear chicken but know how to eat em

    #1155306 Reply
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    Lol., yeye boi.

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