Warri Boy in London

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    ??Warri Boy in London??
    ( ?Warri no dey carry last ?)

    Written by Uche Lawrence

    ? Chapter 1 ?

    Enita’s pov

    I got up from my wooden bed and walk outside the house. The wind was blowing and I smiled telling the birds “Good morning” in my dialect.

    Then I faced the lizards that have been staring at me like I stole their eggs. “Good morning lizards”

    I moved forward to go take my bucket and fetch water from the stream. Our tap got spoilt and the only place to get water is from the stream.

    I hate going to that stream by this time cause I get to see those witches I do avoid almost everyday.

    Fejiro, onome and Isioma. I hate crossing paths with them.

    I finally got to the stream and as I expected, the witches were playing beside the stream.

    I noticed a girl among them, she’s beautiful but that’s not my business. I passed beside them and did what I came here for.

    I was happy they didn’t look for my trouble till I fetched my water. I placed the bucket on my head and turned to leave.

    “Enita bobo, how far na?” I stopped and sighed.

    Here they come again. I don’t know why they keep looking for my trouble even as a boy. I expect them to look for their mates trouble.

    “What’s it again? Ehh answer me” I replied.

    “Oh boy calm down nah, You no see person for here nhi? She dey new for here. Do gentle whenever she’s with us abeg. No disgrace us” Onome answered perfunctorily.

    “And she be chief Odafe’s daughter wey dey London. You don remember?” She added.

    Ohhh! I remembered her now.

    I faced the new girl and smiled slyly. “How are you beautiful girl? You’re welcome to this environment” I said politely and stretched my hand for a handshake.

    Oh oh!

    The way I withdraw my hand back into my pocket can’t be described. She ignored my handshake.

    “Make I dey go, but wait oo… You people no look for my trouble today. Thank God, don’t worry I understand” I teased them and glared at the girl before leaving.

    “The guy acts like a female. Are you sure he’s a graduate like me?” The girl’s tiny voice spoke.

    I ignored that too and continued my journey home.

    “Brother Enita is back mama!” My brother Brume shouted as he came to embrace me.

    “Mama good morning, what of papa?” I asked, as she helped me drop the bucket from my head.

    “Your papa still dey sleep Enita, bring the pot for me” My mother answered and I passed the pot to her quickly.

    My mother has always dream of having a big restaurant but now she’s still managing her small cafeteria which was 20 metres away from our house.

    After graduating , I came back to help my mom at home cause I couldn’t find a white collar job.

    It like wasting my whole years in school all in the name of education.

    Fast forward……

    My father woke up, took his bath and joined his fellow palm wine tappers to the farm.

    The meals were ready and customers starts to come and eat in our cafeteria. My mom’s cafeteria is well known in the community.

    My mother called me to go wash the dishes at the backyard. I obeyed and began washing the plates, pots and spoons with my brother.

    “Don’t tell me you guys eat in this small stinky room” A familiar voice yelled and I stopped what I was doing to go check who was it.

    “You again? Fejiro, Isioma why you bring am here now? I don no say this girl dey rude and disrespectful as she be like dry fish” I said, eyeing her from head to her toes.

    “What?! How dare you talk to me like that? You thought I didn’t hear pidgin right? Of course I do but can’t speak it.

    Gosh! This place stinks. Get me out of here onome. Am sure their food is contaminated with different bacteria” She spats, covering her nose.

    “You can’t speak pidgin, how’s that our business? Secondly, do not.. I mean do not ever in your life say this place stinks again.

    If you can’t eat here, go somewhere else. We don’t need rude punks like you people. If not for Fejiro and others I would have bundle you and throw you out of this place now.

    You’re saying this place stinks, as if your p*ssy no dey stink too. Better leave this place before I bundle you out my self. See her long neck like sugar cane.” I said all those words and faced the customers that had been watching the scene.

    Oopps! That was too much!

    “Enita!!! Must you say all of that to that poor girl…She’s chief Odafe’s daughter for crying out loud.” My mother whined.

    “Mama! Am sorry but am sure you didn’t like it when she complained of this place saying it stinks” I replied.

    “Wait oo.. Wetin be the meaning of pissy abi wetin you call am that time?” Mom queried.

    No.. She mustn’t know the meaning. She’s gonna get mad.

    “Nothing mama, just a university slang” I giggled nervously.

    “My daughter please am sorry……”

    “Save your sorry madam. Am telling my dad about this. Am off!” She screamed before leaving in anger and.. Tears.


    It was night, the family of oghenekevwe gathered to eat dinner. But before that… I received a warning.

    “Enita, your mother told me everything you caused today. Is that true?” My father asked and I nodded.

    “Yes father, I didn’t mean that oo but she provoked me a little and the cafeteria very well. The cafeteria was telling me to talk back to her and I did” I answered while my brother laughed.

    “Only God knows when you go get brain. How can you fight in your mother….. ” Another cut off.

    “Where’s that boy that insulted my daughter? Where’s he? He’s dead today” I heard chief Odafe shouting outside.

    My parents turned to see me eating my food already. I know send anyone.

    “Enita Oya come and face your punishment.” My father dragged me outside to meet the angry chief in his robe and the tiny sugar cane neck.

    Seriously? He came to fight with his night wears. Interesting.

    “Good evening sir” I greeted, lying down flat.

    “Save the greeting first. How dare you insult my daughter like that? Do you know she can buy you hundred times? She’s working in London as a nurse and you are here still in the village” He snarled.

    The girl was smirking like a devil. “Sir, I never said you should pour all your daughter’s history on me. Yeah am in the village but that isn’t your business. I know one day, I will go to that london very soon” I fired.

    I pray one of my uncles in London to just call me to come help him. I will be so glad.

    “Sugar cane neck, how are you now? I guess you brought your father to come fight me. Your head like basketball” I abused her again.

    “If you insult me again, I will kick you in where the sun doesn’t shine on. That toothpick inbetween your legs” She growled.

    What? She called my joystick toothpick? If only she can see what she’s calling toothpick. She will call it big yam.

    “I got nobody’s time now. Good night. Till tomorrow abeg. I can bring mat for you people if you want to sleep here.” I teased before going inside.


    How’s it guys? ?should I continue? The story just began.

    #1421967 Reply
    Muhammed Abdulrehim Abdulreheem
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    #1422033 Reply
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    funny guy

    #1422098 Reply
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    Bring it on

    #1422119 Reply
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    ??Warri Boy in London??
    ( ?Warri no dey carry last ?)

    Written by Uche Lawrence ?

    ? Chapter 2 ?

    “I got nobody’s time now. Good night. Till tomorrow abeg. I can bring mat for you people if you want to sleep here.” I teased before going inside.

    ” Brother, the day they will catch you and beat you very well ehh, you will beg Jesus to come down from heaven to come and rescue you” Brume, my younger brother said.

    I hissed and continued my food. “That’s how he will be doing like a girl” He added and I gave him a knock on the head.

    “Face your food and eat! Stop talking!” I growled and he obeyed.


    We went to bed that night after the usual night prayer. I got on my bed and spread the wrapper over my body.

    I pray I have a good dream today. I don’t know if I have a supernatural power but anytime I sleep and I dreamt of something, It will surely come to pass the next day.

    But I hardly have bad dreams.

    1am in the morning…..

    “Enita, we need an accountant here in London and I know you are good in everything. So I try to convince the CEO to let him take you and he did” My uncle said and I woke up.

    Wow! That’s an unexpected dream. Is this going to come true? Is it? This is one of the best dream I ever dreamt.

    I just need to wait patiently throughout today to see if it going to come true.

    11:30am in the morning……

    I was expecting the dream to come to pass but it hasn’t. My dream doesn’t take long before coming to pass.

    I guess I have to wait again. I helped my mom in the cafeteria. No trouble from that tiny mosquito.

    I remembered her name which was Mimi.

    I still remember what happened yesterday and it made me laugh. it was really funny.

    I’d love to look for her trouble again, to see her Angry cute face.


    7pm in the night…….

    I guess this is the first time my dream won’t be coming true. I decided to forget that. The house was boring.

    I took my small phone and bounce out of the house strolling down the street. A car was horning behind me and eventually pass splashing mud on me.

    Christ is the Lord! WTF!

    “Who be this? How dare you splash mud on me? And you won’t come down from that car before I come and slap you there now.” I yelled.

    I was so vexed up.

    “Am sorry sir, I didn’t see any….. You this tooth pick again?” I raised my head up to see that sugar cane neck again.

    “Sugar cane neck, so have the guts to splash mud on me again. Must we cross paths everyday? You like spoiling show for someone.

    Me that is doing yanga and go now, you have spoil it. If I insult you now, you will go and bring your family members to come and beat me.” I said, standing in akimbo.

    She hissed and played with the car keys in her hand. ” I don’t have time for you mister, I don’t know why i said sorry to you in the first place.” She retorted immediately.

    “I know send you before now. I just pray this is the last time we will see again. I don’t want you around me. Everywhere I go you will be there. Rubbish!” I fired her the words and turned to leave.

    “You won’t be able to see me again cause am leaving this hot country tomorrow. At least I won’t be able to see your ugly face again. Bye.” She said and walk into the car them drove off.

    She’s going? I mean she’s leaving the country again to London. That girl is crazy.


    I got home and met my father talking over the phone. “Okay…. I will tell him” He said and dropped his phone down.

    “Enita, your uncle called and he said… You should come help him in London. He has prepare your visa and everything.

    He’s expecting on Wednesday son. I wish you good luck. Bring all those things that are there come oo.. In fact bring all of the London things” My father answered as we ended up laughing.

    I was so happy, my dream came true though it was late. I slept soundly like a baby with a good dream but I won’t tell you about that.


    Next day…

    I gave the woman her change as she dropped the plate in the basket then turn to leave.

    Fejiro, isioma and onome were here to get there belly fill with food. I decided to ask them about the sugar cane neck.

    “Who’s Mimi now? She don go nhi? Abi she still dey here?” I asked Onome.

    “What’s your concern? Wait.. Abi you don like the girl sharp sharp? Ahh no try am ooo, she’s not even your type.” Fejiro replied eating the food I dislike most. Beans.

    “Shut up, you’re saying she’s not my type. I fit marry am tomorrow oo. Don’t jam talk here before I blow you there.” I answered and left them in peace and not in pieces.


    Fast forward….

    Two days later….

    I was ready to leave for London, I took my bag and followed my uncle to the airport. I let out a wow when I saw planes in the tarmac.

    “You need to meet someone when you get there. Let’s go before we miss the flight now.” Said my Uncle.

    5 hours later…….

    We were in the car driving down the city in London. So London is so beautiful like this.

    We got down from the car and walk into the magnificent house. The house was jaw dropping.

    Any one who has bad dreams. He or she will sleep soundly.

    “So we are here now, this is my house. You welcome” My uncle said.

    “Uncle, you are the owner of this place? Like seriously? Wow! You’ve really make it. This house is so beautiful” I complemented and he replied with a thank you.

    “I’d like you to meet someone from your community. Here’s she.” He pointed and I heard annoying sound of heels in the corridor.

    And she came out… Only… To.. Be… Miss.. Sugar… Cane.. Neck.

    Must I see her every where I go?


    #1422135 Reply
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    #1422148 Reply
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    U n miss sugar cane neck again

    #1422189 Reply
    Ubi Kyle
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    Thats Your Reall Trouble

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