Mistakes of my mother episode 16
THE MISTAKES OF MY MOTHER”
One day in school- just so you know, I attended one of the best schools in Abuja called Adriene International School. It was a mixed school for both foreigners and Nigerian rich kids. In class while the teachers were in a meeting at the principal’s office, Andre, a boy of my age whose father was a politician came up to me where I sat alone. No one wanted to seat with me anymore because they said I was becoming stranger every day. Some of the white kids called me a freak because my boobs were bigger than that of all the girls who were in my class. Many of them had not even started growing boobs, I was the first to start and it grew too rapidly.
Andre: “Hey loner!”
He said and poked me on the shoulder but I said nothing. My heart skipped beats on their own accord when the rest of them began to laugh.
Andre: “Won’t you say anything? Why are your breasts so big? Do you have a boyfriend pressing them?”
I kept mute and played dumb. A girl walked up to me and sat beside me, her name was Aishat…
Aishat: “Don’t mind him dear. He is just trying to be funny in a very bad way” she said and I thought that at last, I actually had someone who was sympathetic to my cause until she said “but why is your breasts really this big? Is your daddy pressing it for you?” she said and the other kids burst out in another bout of laughter while she grinned wickedly.
I held my ears with my two hands trying to shut out the sound of their mocking laughter while trying to bite back the sob threatening to make me look even weaker than I already seem in their eyes. The teacher suddenly appeared at the door and quietened them down. She looked at me pitifully and shook her head. She had asked to see my dad on several occasions but he had turned down the invitations. He probably didn’t want to hear anything that would make him seem like a bad dad.
The taunting from my classmates and those I called friends continued while my dad also continued using me to satisfy his sexual urge. He stopped coming back home with the ladies and turned his full attention on me. Besides being his daughter, I also became his mistress. It got to a point that it became a daily routine. I stopped skipping school and he didn’t care, he took me shopping, bought me countless things, took me outside the country on vacations but all those were like torture to me as nights brought its own curse with it. Many people saw me as just a lucky daughter of a doting father not knowing how much I wanted to die.
He stopped me from going to see my mum and anytime I defied his orders and he gets to know about it, he would rape me over and over again in a most cruel manner. Thoughts of suicide was my constant companion but I just didn’t have the balls for it. I was scared of death yet I wanted nothing but to die and leave everyone and everything behind.
The day I tried acting on my thoughts was the day I realised I didn’t have to kill myself at once. I could do it gradually until I was finally gone. I had heard voices in my heard, they spoke at once.
Voice: “You don’t have to kill yourself at once my dear. You are too young to die, you can grow up dying. Kill yourself everyday so you can live” they said but I could hardly understand what they said.
Rose: “How do I do that?” I asked in my head.
Voices: “All you have to do is cut yourself in a way that will not be enough to kill you. Believe me you will start getting used to it until you will stop being scared to die. Death will become a delight to you”
Rose: “Can I do that?”
Voices: “Yes you can of course. You don’t want to grow up like this do you?”
Rose: “I don’t want to” and yeah I really didn’t want to. Every day was a nightmare for me, I couldn’t have dreamt of continuing living that kind of life for another seventy-three years. Why exactly did my mum give birth to me? I had asked her on several occasions but each time she had gone over the story of how it all began with my dad making me want to puke.
And so I tried what the voices suggested even though it felt like I was the one having a discussion with myself in my head or was I really the one? Maybe there were no voices but just the voice of my innermost desires talking? Well I took a knife and cut a straight line just above my wrist. I watched the blood drizzle down, the pain I felt was nothing compared to the one I felt in my heart. In fact it helped sooth my heart so much to know I could feel another form of pain.
One early morning after he was done having his way with me, I felt so heavy and bloated, my head ached so much I thought I was going to black out until I started feeling nauseated. I ran to the bathroom clutching my mouth and my stomach, he watched my closely for some minutes and followed me…
Olamide: “What is wrong with you baby?” he asked patting my back as I retched into the basin.
Olamide: “Are you sure?”
Rose: “Yes” but the truth was, I wasn’t sure. I knew something was wrong, how I felt was extremely different from how I had ever felt before. Something was really wrong and I was afraid to even think about it…
He absolutely knew what was happening to me as fear registered on his face. He quickly dressed up and went out but not without instructing me not to go anywhere. He came back in less than twenty minutes’ time and handed me something tiny…
Olamide: “That is called a p-strip, go and urinate inside that small bowl we use in the bathroom and dip it inside it, don’t allow the urine to go above this line here” he said pointing at the line while I looked on lost. “Bring it to me when you are done” he finished and nudged me on towards the bathroom.
I did as I was instructed without saying a single word and took the strip to him. The look on his face when he checked it made me pray to be swallowed up in the mother earth through an earthquake. I didn’t know what he saw but I thought I had been stricken by a deadly disease because of his facial expression, he looked like one who had seen a ghost. I knew I had to say something, it was my life anyway.
Rose: “What is wrong dad? Am I sick? Like terminally sick?” waiting for him to drop the bombshell.
Olamide: “Yes baby, you are terminally sick but don’t worry, there is nothing dad cannot take care of. I will take care of this too and you will be fine in no time. Not to worry okay?”
Rose: “But what exactly is wrong with me?” I demanded
Olamide: “I don’t know its name. I will go to a chemist to get you drugs soon” he tried to quell my fear, even though his voice shook when he said it.
I knew he was lying when he said he didn’t know its name. I was terribly afraid and even at that moment, I felt so tired and weak. All I wanted was to sleep, meanwhile I had school to attend.
Rose: “Okay. I want to prepare for school now” I announced.
Olamide: “Oh no! you will not be going to school for now. You need to stay at home and rest for like a week or two after taking the drugs. Don’t worry, I will get a private tutor for you after then”
Rose: “Okay” I was more than happy to know I wouldn’t have to go to school for another two weeks. Going to school had become a burden for me, a task I could do anything to avoid doing.
Olamide: “Good girl” he said squeezing my breast and I jumped out of his reach.
Rose: “Please can I go see mum today? I have missed her” I had to say.
Olamide: “No way! Not when you are sick” he replied with a note of finality on his voice but even I was adamant too.
Rose: “Last time I saw her, she looked very sick. I promise not to tell her anything. I just need to see my mum even if it is for the very last time. Please da…” I wanted to say dad but of course like you would guess, I had stopped calling him dad, a man who has carnal knowledge of a girl his seed formed sure can’t be called her dad still right?
I hated him and wanted to run away but where would did I have to run to? My grandparents were so far away and mum even said they weren’t aware she had left him- were those the ones I could have ran to?
Olamide: “Okay but this will be the last time you will see her I promise. Your mother is a bad woman, can you imagine she wants to take you away from me forcefully by pressing charges against me in the court? Can you imagine how heartless she is?” he looked like a child trying so hard to win the favours of an adult at the expense of his friend’s reputation.
Rose: “Yes” I replied even though I did not really mean it. I felt bad for her despite knowing everything was her fault. Bringing me into the world was also her fault but what could I have done, they did say blood was thicker than water anyway.
And so he took me to her place and without taking a step inside, instructed me further not to forget what he told me and to keep my mouth shut even about my sickness- I concurred.
And so she continued telling me the story of her life even though she had exhausted it all…
Ahunli: “Baby come and sit on my laps” she said tapping her laps lightly
I walked up to her on calculated steps careful not to make her notice my sickness. I wore fake smiles and energy. I sat on her laps, aunty Alexis was not at home that day and I didn’t bother to ask her where she had gone to.
Rose: “What is wrong mummy?”I asked peering into her face.
Ahunli: “I just miss you baby” she replied, the soft look in her eyes told me she was telling the truth.
Rose: “I miss you too. Mummy let’s go live with grandpa and grandma. I don’t want to live with dad anymore” hot tears welled up in my eyes.
Ahunli: “Why, Did something happen?” she turned me to face her squarely and I blinked back tears knowing I must never tell her what was going on at home. Dad would take me to a psychiatrist hospital if I did.
Rose: “Nothing is wrong mum. I just miss living with you. He said he will never allow me to come see you again because you are trying to take me away from him. I don’t want to stop seeing you mum” the tears I had been trying so much to keep at bay came rushing down in quick succession.
Ahunli: “He is just bluffing. He will never do a thing like that and sweetheart, give me just a little time, just a very little time and you wouldn’t need anyone’s permission to come see me anymore. We will go visit grandpa and grandma then okay?” she wiped the tears away with her fingers.
Rose: “Okay mum”
Ahunli: “And don’t forget, big girls don’t cry” she said and reached out to wipe off the tears on my face while I did the same to hers. “So did I tell you Uncle Francis said he wants to marry me?”
Rose: “He did? That is good news mum” and yeah, Francis never really got over my mum abandoning him like that. Even after thirteen years, he was yet to get married.
Ahunli: “I cannot marry him, I told him that”
Rose: “By why mum? Why?”
Ahunli: “I cannot love him” she announced sadly.
I didn’t have the words to try persuade her with but I equally wasn’t happy with the way she was. She was getting another opportunity at living a good life but she was tossing it to the dogs. I laid on her laps like that not knowing when I slept off. All of a sudden, we heard a knock on the door, we both jumped with fright. She went over to open the door and was sent flying back immediately. A man walked in holding an axe…
Ahunli: “What are you doing? Why did you do that?”
She asked and tried getting up to her feet but he pushed her back. I could not believe who I was seeing though. I just couldn’t believe it but why was he hurting my mum? I ran over to her but she pushed me back, knowing danger was looming.
Man: “Are you asking me? I have come to take what is mine. What is rightfully mine” he belched loudly. He was obviously high on something.
Ahunli: “Even if you have come to take what is yours, why must you come with an axe?”
Man: “Because I am going to kill you very slowly” he replied and laughed loudly. I looked outside but it was already dark, I didn’t know what to do, how to save my mum. I just stood there doing something I had never done before; begging God to intervene. And you girl, you should better be ready cos I am coming for you when I am done with her. I warned you all didn’t I?”
Rose: “You can kill me but please let my mum go” I began to cry and sweat profuse. I watched him lift the axe up and land it on my mum’s leg, she screamed. When he realised his folly, he quickly reached over, took out his handkerchief, rolled it into a ball and pushed it into her mouth. Went over to the window to check if her screaming had attracted anyone but it obviously hadn’t from the look on his face.
Man: “I will kill her immediately if you as much as make one single sound” he warned me and looked at my mum who was writhing painfully on the floor. He lifted the axe again and this time, the leg was totally severed from her body, her screams were muffled, sweats poured from her forehead, as he bent down to admire his handiwork, she looked to me begging me to run away with her eyes. I wanted to just collapse but I knew that would make her suffer more so I held on to my sanity. He was so enthralled by his deed that he did not notice me sneak off and out the door…
To be continued!
Will Ahunli live?
Does she really deserve what she is getting?
Who is this mysterious man? Can anyone guess?