”Na who dey dia na, why the person just dey dia like say na im house be that”
Attai muttered to himself, his eyes bulging from the supressed poo he was trying too hard to contain. Anyone that sees him will think he was memorising a bible verse that had been taught in church. His breaths were in puffs and his face had turned to a mask in the process.
”Come, the smell of your poo no inspire you to know say you don too tay for inside that place?”
Attai spoke out for the first time since he had come there 30 minutes ago. The occupant of the single toilet in the compound seemed to have had problems with whatever he had eaten to spend so long a time in the toilet.
”Come, Attai, why you dey shout na, abi them tell you say poo na subject wey dem dey discuss openly?”
It was Jerry that spoke to him as he came to stand by his side with a buta in hand.
Attai did not look at his face, instead he concentrated on the buta he was holding in his hand. Why would Jerry decided to poo at this time of the day, why will he not wait till late in the night or very early in the morning when nobody will mind the smell of his poo. Jerry, a Kaduna boy is notorious for the kind of poo he shits each time he enters into the toilet. Legend has it that there was a time the landlord refused to call those that pack toilet to come and do their work but wanted to collect rent after numerous appeal from the tenants for him to reconsider. That fateful afternoon, he had come as usual and Attai had brought up the topic after the landlord knocked on his door. Jerry who was his neighbour had creeped silently from his room with a buta in his hand to the toilet, Attai watching him from the corner of his eye.
”Oga landlord, one day this toilet go over flow im bank o and na tsunami of smell we go get that day”
Attai was trying to hint the landlord as he went behind his curtain to grab a towel then pressed lots of perfume on it. This he kept closeby for the right time.
”No be only tsunami, na katrina. If you no pay by next week na under bridge get you abi dem tell you say I come Lagos come count the number of story buildings?”
The landlord barked. With his mouth opened wide he received the first dose abundantly. He choked on the air and made to jump into Attai’s room but was met with a closed door. Attai layed on the ground, his towel firmly wrapped round his nose, you need no warning, any mistake will take you to LUTH.
The doors of the other rooms were banged shut that the only option left for the landlord was to run out of his own house. Jerry came out of the toilet refreshed but everyone waited till the smell had subsided 2 hours later before giving him a hero ceremony, he had driven the point home.
The toilet was cleared the very next day by the request of the landlord who had gone straight to the agency. He also demanded that the whole place be fumigated.
Attai shook his head clear as there was a creak on the door and the occupant of the toilet stepped out. The same Yemisi that had swore never to step into the toilet since that incident. She was sweating all over like she was doing something apart from shitting in the toilet. The stench that followed her was as annoying as her pimpled face, smelly garlic-onion like smell. Shawarma. She don chop awoof na, why e no go run her belle. Mtchw, all this Lagos chicks sef.
”You no fit wait make person finish poo? Abi you wan make I rush the poo?”
Yemisi asked Attain angrily. He looked at her, looked at the toilet, shook his head and turned to Jerry.
”You wan poo abi, I dey wait for you”
What insult could be greater than that. The smell of Jerry’s poo was preferable.
”Na God go punish you, your nyash go block for there”
Yemisi screamed before dragging her big looking buttock out of sight. Why would the toilet not full on time with this kind of massive nyash bending over it.
”Jerry, pray make you no be toilet for your next life”
Attai spoke out before jumping into the toilet.
He spent minutes trying to get used to the after-smell of Yemisi’s poo.
Jerry stood outside waiting for Attai who did his business quickly and bailed out of the toilet before like a thousand demons were chasing him.
Jerry smiled to himself as he stepped into the toilet, he had not gone to the toilet for 3 days and had gone to mama Ruka’s place to purchase Agbo.
Well, that’s a story for another day as Fashola had created a committee that looked into the commitee that deployed the sewage Agency to see how they can ban those shitting in toilets that were located in Ajegunle.